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“Wanna grab bagels and coffee and head down to the lake?”

When he finally looks at me, the tension in his face eases just slightly. “Yeah. Yeah, let’s do that.”

“Cool. Let’s grab them and get out of here before he comes back asking for directions to our front doors.”

That earns a faint huff of laughter, barely there, but I’ll take it.

7

RYDER

When we arrive at the lake, it’s almost empty, and I’m grateful for the space to be with Logan. He grabs a blanket from the trunk, and we walk over to a grassy spot on the shore for him to spread the blanket out.

“Think Kyle’s gonna follow us here, too?” Logan says dryly, tilting his head toward me as he drops down.

“Not unless he’s got some type of GPS tracker on us.” Though I wouldn’t put that past him, honestly.

I hand him the coffee and bagels as I move to sit beside him. He takes his bagel out of the bag, then hands mine to me. The silence settles as we start to eat, and I let my gaze drift out over the water, trying to make sense of the way everything in me still feels scrambled from the last twenty-four hours.

Something’s shifting in me, and that scares me almost as much as it thrills me. The feelings I’m having toward Logan are new, and I’m not sure what to do with them because I’ve never looked at another man this way before. Not once. Noteven with how much my work has tried to sell me on falling for your best friend over the years.

I’ve been straight my whole life—or at least I’ve alwaysthoughtI was. So why am I so aware of every inch of space between us on this blanket? Why did watching him in the shower make my whole body light up like it was wired forhim? The reaction had been instant.

He’s still staring out at the lake, and I catch the way his thumb brushes slowly up and down the side of his coffee cup. It’s such a small, meaningless motion, but for some reason, it makes me want to reach for him and pull him into me.

I don’t understand what’s happening to me.

But instead of pulling him into me, I shift slightly, leaning back beside him, letting our bodies press together from shoulder to ankle. He doesn’t move away. If anything, he leans into me slightly, and the voice in my head screams; I don’t want him to pull away.

How could I have missed something so significant about my sexuality my entire life?

It probably has something to do with my asshole dad. I always swore I wouldn’t be like him, and I don’t think I am, but he always scoffed at men who seemed a little too close.

He’d hate me if he could see me now.

He’d always make comments about things being ‘not right’ or about how ‘real men didn’t do things like that,’ whateverthatmeans. He was a hateful prick, and I’m glad he left when I was young. I haven’t seen or heard from him since, and I don’t care to.

After he left, my mom seemed much happier and gave me room to be whoever I wanted. But even without his presence, I’ve never thought about other guys the way I'm thinking about Logan now.

I guess it’s possible I unconsciously learned to avoid anything that might have made him angry or unpredictable, and that would’ve included feelings about other guys. But apparently, all it took was watching Logan stroke his dick in the shower last night to make me hard and wake me the hell up. I wasn’t confused—maybe about what it means forus—but I’m positive I was turned on by him jerking off.

I’mveryaware that if I’m into him, then I must not be straight after all, and I’m perfectly okay with that. Plenty of people discover their sexuality later in life—I’m just another one added to the list.

The thing I can’t wrap my head around, though, is that these feelings are crossing a line we’ve never touched before, and if we do cross it, there’s no going back. We’d never be the same Logan and Ryder we are now. Especially if he didn’t feel the same way, which I think is what I’m most afraid of.

I can’t ruin ten years of friendship for feelings I’ve had for less than twenty-four hours.

If Logan ever felt anything toward me, I think I’d be able to tell. He’s always been open with me about his sexuality and dating interests. He told me he was bi almost as soon as we met, and I told him it was cool and didn’t change anything because it didn’t. I was glad he felt comfortable enough around me to say it out loud.

After that, dating stories and casual hookup talk became a regular part of our friendship. Neither of us had much going on that first year, but once Logan did start seeing people, I wasn’t a fan. Not that he was dating, just that he was spending time with someone else. Anyone else, honestly.

He only dated Jenn and a guy named Nick, who sucked, so that relationship didn’t last long. But I remember how it feltwhen he spent more time with them than with me. I told myself it was just a matter of being best friends, and it made sense to feel a little left out. However, looking back, I can see now that maybe it was more than that. When he wasn’t around, I didn’t know what to do with myself. It always felt like something was missing.

Holy shit, I think I was jealous.How did I never notice any of this before?

I shift to take a sip of my coffee, pressing even closer to him, and it hits me. I’ve never felt more at ease being this close to someone, but that ease is exactly what unsettles me. Because it shouldn’t feel this natural to want more from my best friend when I’ve never wanted to be with a man before. There’s an ache in my chest that won’t go away—the kind that whispersyou want more.

And I do. God, I do.