Page 18

I waited until the last possible moment before washing away my makeup that night. I was now afraid that I wouldn't be able to duplicate what Rachel had done for me, but she reassured me that it wasn't hard.

"It's not brain surgery," she said, "although the way most girls your age use their makeup, you'd think they had loboto

mies."

Everyone laughed at that as well. For the first time

I could remember, I was actually sorry to see Rachel, my father and the twins leave. I felt as if I had just begun a journey with them and it had come to an end too quickly.

In the morning we all stood outside in the driveway as my father packed the rented car. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, and the breeze was now riding on a wave of late-spring warmth announcing the oncoming summer. I still had nearly two months of school left for my junior year, but as I had for the past two summers, I would go to New Paltz and work at Aunt Zipporah and Uncle Tyler's cafe. This summer I would be graduated to a waitress.

Before I went down for breakfast, I redid my makeup so Rachel could check me out once before she left. She told me I had done it perfectly.

"You're tine," she said. "You'll be fine."

We had a big breakfast again, delaying the end of it for as long as we could, but finally, their flight schedule dictated that they get started for the airport.

The twins didn't want to leave and whined and pleaded to stay longer. They were somewhat placated by the promise of return and the suggestion that they might even be able to stay without their parents for a while. It was clear they knew they would get away with tons if it were just their grandparents caring for them.

I hugged them both, then my grandfather chased them around the car a few times with the expectation it would wear them out and keep them quiet for the ride to the airport. As usual, he misread their energy compared to his own, and they begged him to keep chasing them.

"Get them out of here before they kill me!" he cried, breathing hard.

He and my father hugged and my father embraced my grandmother and they kissed and held each other a little longer. Rachel hugged and kissed my grandfather and grandmother and then took my hand to pull me a little to the side.

"Think of your life as a courtroom argument," she said. "Be careful about how you lay the foundation, and then argue vigorously for yourself. The rest of the world is the jury, and they have one clear ability. They can see insincerity, of course, but they can see a lack of self-confidence even easier. Good luck, Alice."

She didn't actually hug me. She held my shoulders for a moment, then she turned to get the twins into the car.

"Hey," my father said. He looked at my grandparents, and then he took my hand and we walked down the driveway.

"I hope our coming did some good for you, Alice. I'm glad we had a chance to have that conversation in the attic, and we shared some very personal secrets."

"Me, too."

"I guess you know now that your grandparents put out an SOS on you. No one can blame them for asking for help, least of all me. They paid their parent dues when they brought up me and Zipporah. I guess all anyone wants for you is for you to give yourself a chance. Take a chance on yourself. Go out there and compete. You're too young to go into retreat. You have no reason to hide from anyone or anything

"I know it's easy for me to tell you all this. I have no right to tell you anything. I went into hiding in a sense and left you behind, but I'm trying to make up for it as much as I can. I promise I'll keep trying."

"Why was Rachel so nice to me this time?" I asked, looking back at the car. "I thought she was mad at you for spending time with me in the attic."

"She was at first, but . . . can you keep a secret?" I laughed at that and so did he.

"Your grandmother and I used a little psychology on her. We went to her for help with you, and there's nothing Rachel likes more than

responsibility. She's a bit of a control freak, but another secret is I need her to be. I'm not stupid. I recognize what her strengths are and how that helps us both be successful. Once you became her project, too, it put a new light on everything.

"So," he concluded, "you better not disappoint her. She's tough."

"Okay," I said.

"I have never really told you, Alice," he said, "but I love you and want only happiness for you."

I nodded, now squeezing my eyes to keep the tears imprisoned under the lids. They were determined to break free any moment.

He kissed me on the cheek and then hurried to the car.

My tears escaped.