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Duncan looked semiconscious when they carried him out on a stretcher. Moments afterward, my aunt and uncle showed up. I was wrapped in a heavy blanket the policeman had given me. The rain had slowed but was still coming down steadily. Uncle Tyler spoke to the policeman. A tow truck was ordered for Aunt Zipporah's car, and then they took me back home.

I kept apologizing to Aunt Zipporah. She was very silent, which made me feel worse. Uncle Tyler wanted me to tell him everything, so I rattled it off as best I could.

"She saved his life, Zipporah," he told her after I had finished.

"I know," she said. "Let's get her warmed up and into bed," she added.

He drove faster, and as soon as we arrived at their house, Aunt Zipporah started a warm bath for me. She helped me take off my soaked clothing. Uncle Tyler had to go back to the cafe to close up, but I heard him tell her not to yell at me. Again he said, "She saved that boy's life."

Nothing felt as good as the warm bath when I lowered myself into it. Aunt Zipporah brought me a hot tea with a little whiskey in it to sip as I soaked.

"I'm sorry about your car," I told her.

She stared down at me.

"That's the least of it, Alice."

"Are you going to call Grandpa and Grandma to tell them?"

"Do you want me to?"

"No," I replied quickly.

She smiled. "You mean, you don't want to tell them the truth? You aren't tired of a little deception?"

I lowered my head. She was making me swallow my own words, but I deserved it.

"It's all right," she said. "It's all right that you aren't as tough as you thought you were. We'll tell them what has to be told to them when the time is right. No need to spoil their holiday."

"Okay," I said. "Thanks."

"How did you know to go there?" she asked me.

I shook my head. "It just came to me. As if it was supposed to come," I added.

"Maybe it was," she said. "I'm proud of you, honey, as proud as your mother would be," she added, and the dam that had been holding back my tears since the policeman found me on the road finally broke.

Later, I sank into sleep as easily as Duncan would have sunk into the river.

I didn't even dream.

I was that exhausted.

19 Another Trip to the Hospital

. I didn't visit Duncan in the hospital until late the following afternoon. First, I didn't get up until it was nearly noon, and second, Aunt Zipporah wanted to be sure Duncan's mother wanted him to have visitors. Anyone brought into the hospital after an attempted suicide was referred to the psychiatric department, and Aunt Zipporah wasn't sure they wanted him to have visitors--or me in particular-- yet. She said she would find out for me, and she called me early in the afternoon to tell me.

"Duncan's mother called us at the cafe just a little while ago, Alice. The doctors say it's all right for you to visit him I'll take you there at about four, okay?"

"Thank you, Zipporah." "I'd rather be taking you to Disneyland," she joked. I laughed.

"Maybe you will next," I said and prepared myself for the hospital visit.

Although she went along with me, Aunt Zipporah remained in the lobby. I told her she didn't have to take me. I could have gone myself, but she was insistent. When I pressed her, she confessed to being worried that "a second shoe might drop." Who knew how I would react to Duncan and what I might do as a result? I was too unpredictable as it was, and I knew that she and Uncle Tyler were still reeling from the shock of what had happened and all that I had done.

I couldn't blame her for being concerned. She and I both knew it wasn't going to be easy explaining all this to my grandparents when they returned from their vacation. We had decided there was no reason to call them yet.