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Something inside of him seemed to break. He covered her hand with his, his face ravaged. “Shit. I’ve been trying to come up with a way to truly express how much I regret walking away that night. I was upset. I was an idiot. But I didn’t mean to hurt you. I would never intentionally do that to you.”
“Well, you did. You asked me to ignore all my fears and let you in, and swore you wouldn’t hurt me, or leave me. You promised me.” She swallowed hard and tears trailed down her cheeks. So much for her vow to stop crying over him. “And then you did both of those things in one night. You ruined everything, and you ruined me. I hate you for that. I love you, but God, I hate you, too. So much.”
He shook his head, his hands in tight fists at his sides. “No. You can’t hate me.”
“Yeah, I can.”
He stared at her, not speaking.
“Go on. Walk away again.” She stepped away from him and hugged herself. “It’s what you’re good at, right? Show me one last time.”
“Lauren—I fucked up.” He shoved a hand through his hair and locked eyes with her. What was hidden there—desperation and pain—echoed within her soul. “When I found out you lied, I just—”
She swallowed. “Ran. You ran.”
“Yeah.” He dropped his hand back to his side and curled his fingers into a ball. “I’m a fucking idiot.”
She held on to her elbows tightly. It was the only way she’d be able to stop herself from reaching out and grabbing him—and never letting go. But after he hurt her, left her, ruined her…she wouldn’t. She wouldn’t fall fast, and hard, like she had last time.
Never again.
All those years, she’d been right to hold her heart close.
“Good-bye, Steven.”
“I’m sorry, Lauren,” he rasped, his eyes threatening to pull her into their stormy hazel depths. “So damn sorry.”
Closing her lids, closing him out, she shook her head. He was a rabbit hole, and she was Alice, but she wouldn’t fall down again. “You need to go.”
He didn’t move.
Neither did she.
Finally, she sensed him bend down and pick up his stuff. He walked toward the door, but stopped in front of her. He ran his thumb over her jaw and bent down, kissing her forehead. “I’ll go, but I’m going to fix this.”
Her heart twisted and turned, and it took all her control not to open her eyes. Not to lean in and wait for another kiss. “There’s nothing left to fix.”
“Oh, cupcake.” His fingers tightened on her. “You’re so damn wrong.”
And then he left.
She collapsed against the wall, breathing heavily, and still didn’t look. She didn’t want to see the absence of him, because God, she could already feel it. His missing clothes, and shoes, and the book he’d left on her coffee table the other night. That would be gone, too. It would all be missing. She was empty.
Everything was empty.
Chapter Eighteen
The next afternoon, Steven closed his computer and scratched his head, staring at the clock. In one minute, it would be five o’clock. That meant in that little amount of time, he could go to Lauren’s bakery. Ever since she’d asked him to leave yesterday, he’d been brainstorming ways to show her he wouldn’t walk out on her…again.
Leaving had been the stupidest thing he ever did.
And in his life, he had done a lot of fucked up shit.
His door opened, and he glanced up. His boss, Cooper, stood there, wearing a dark gray suit and an even darker frown. “Have you seen the Yarros file?”
Steven’s latest assignment. It had been a damn snoozefest of a case. All the old man did was play golf, drink coffee, and watch Wheel of Fortune.
Thank God the gig was over.