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“You don’t.”
He laughed. “I haven’t been drinking, if that’s what you’re thinking. Haven’t had a drop since the night we got together.”
Relief fluttered through her chest. He might be done with her and able to walk away without a second thought, but she still cared about him very much—and if she’d managed to get him to see straight in the process of losing him…at least she had that. “Good.”
“I just can’t sleep,” he admitted.
They fell silent again.
She stared at him.
For the second time, he broke the silence. “Fuck, this is harder than I thought it would be.” He rocked back on his heels and let out a small laugh. “Have you seen my blue shirt? I couldn’t find it.”
She set her bag down and walked past him. Walking over to the bed, she yanked the covers back and pulled out his blue T-shirt. Though she would never admit it to him, she’d slept with it for the past three nights.
Walking back into the living room, she tossed it at him. “Here.”
“Oh.” He caught it easily enough, even though his arms were already full of clothes. That annoyed her. Everything about him annoyed her, at this point in time. “Thanks.”
She didn’t reply. This whole thing was ridiculous, and painful, and it just needed to be over. He was treating her like she was a stranger, and she was letting him.
“I guess that’s everything.”
“Great,” she said, sugar sweetly. In her head, she gouged his eyes out. “Bye.”
He flinched. “Look, I—”
“Screw off,” she snapped. “And get out.”
“Why are you mad at me?” His nostrils flared and he stepped closer, gripping his bundle even tighter. At least he didn’t look dead anymore. “I’m not the one who lied.”
“Get over it,” she snapped, shoving him backward. “And while you’re at it, get out, too.”
“Shit. I didn’t mean to say that.” He squared his jaw. “I’ve been trying to think of what to say to you all damn day, and that wasn’t it.”
“Then say nothing at all. Just go.”
He hesitated. “Lauren, I—”
“No. I don’t want to hear it. You’re mad I lied? Well, fine. Be mad. See if I care. But I lied because I loved you, and you took that and turned it into some horrible, monstrous thing. And that makes you the bad person, not me.” She poked him in the chest. “You left me.” She poked him again. “You walked away.” Again. “And you’re the one who decided to be done with us.” Backing off, she shook her head. “You’re the one who’s okay. I’m not.”
“Okay?” He laughed and dropped his clothes to the floor. He advanced on her, and she stumbled back a step before she forced herself to stand still. “What part of this makes you think I’m okay?”
“You left me. Told me you were done with me.” She lifted her chin. “And you’re obviously okay with that.”
He flexed his jaw and took a step toward her. “I wasn’t kidding earlier. I can’t sleep.”
“Me either.”
Another step. One more, and he’d be holding her in his arms, and she couldn’t let that happen. Couldn’t fall back into his arms. “I can’t breathe without you there. I mean, I can, but it’s not
the same. So, yeah, I can’t fucking breathe.”
“Me either.”
He closed the distance between them. They were toe to toe, and it would be so easy to give in. To let him kiss her and make her feel better. “I miss you.”
“I miss you, too. So much.” She held her hand up, placing it on his chest, to keep him from coming any closer. “And you see, that’s what makes this whole thing so much harder. I loved you, and I let you in. I really, truly, loved you. And you didn’t see that, or care, and you left…just like everyone else.”