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Which wasn’t very neutral at all.
“I—” Lauren started.
Holt shot her a glance. “I’m sorry. But me and Lydia were worried about you, and the only person we could think of who could help us make sure you were okay was…” Holt stared at Lauren, not finishing his sentence. He didn’t need to.
Lauren closed her eyes and her lips moved soundlessly, like she was talking to herself. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Go away.” Steven clenched his fists. “Leave us.”
Lauren’s eyes flew open. “O-Okay.”
“Not you,” he snapped. Glaring at Holt, he jabbed a finger toward him. “You. Go. Now.”
Holt hesitated. “You can be pissed at me all you want, but I was worried about you. So I asked Lauren—”
“Yeah. I got that part, loud and clear.” Steven ground his teeth together, trying his damnedest not to break. Not now. Not in front of Holt. Not even in front of Lauren. “Now go.”
Holt nodded. “Lauren…?”
“It’s fine. I’m fine,” she said, hugging herself. She seemed anything but fine, which perversely made him happy because he wasn’t either. “Go ahead.”
Holt walked past her, but stopped in front of Steven. “Be pissed at me all you want, but she cares about you. Don’t ruin this out of anger.”
Steven clenched his fists even tighter and didn’t answer.
This—whatever this was—was already ruined.
As soon as Holt walked away, and was gone, Lauren stepped forward. “Please, let me explain.”
Her pale skin was at stark contrast with the darkness surrounding them, and her blue eyes were full of so many emotions it was like a tornado of feelings. He shut all that out, though. Couldn’t afford to feel it. To feel anything.
“There’s really not much to explain.” He flexed his jaw. “Did you lie to me?”
She flinched. “Y-Yes. But—”
“No. No buts. You fucking lied.”
“Please, I—” She grabbed his arm. He shook her off. She paled even more and tears spilled out onto her cheeks, but he didn’t care. He couldn’t. “Steven.”
She’d said his name a million times, in lots of different ways. But she’d never said it like this, with pain laced through it. It did things to him. Bad things. When she was in pain, he made it better. Hugged her. Soothed her. But this time, she was in pain because of him, and he was in pain, too.
And he wasn’t sure what to do about that.
“You know how much I hate liars,” he ground his teeth together, “and you lied to me anyway. Didn’t take a chance, out of the million chances you’ve had, to come clean.”
“It wasn’t a lie.” She shook her head, her cheeks wet. “Not really. Brian did break in, and I was scared…at first.”
He growled under his breath. Just moments before, he’d been buried inside of her and had been so sure he was on top of the world. And now…this. “If it wasn’t a lie, and it wasn’t a big deal, why not tell me? Why hide it and pretend like Holt never asked you to keep an eye on me, or pretend like you were scared at all? Why not just tell me the truth all along?”
She stared at him, opening her mouth and closing it.
No sound came out.
He laughed. “Yeah. Exactly. It was a lie, and you kept it to yourself, knowing how I would feel afterward. That was your choice. And it doesn’t even matter that it’s a small lie. What matters is that you knew it would upset me, and you did it anyway. And that’s what I can’t forgive.”
He clenched his jaw, all the other times a lie had hurt him coming back to haunt him, but one in particular wouldn’t shut up. The time he’d lost all his men. After that, he swore to never let a lie go unquestioned again. To never forgive. Never forget. And he couldn’t change that for Lauren. He’d lost too much. Seen too much.
A lie was a lie, no matter how big or small.