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Dropping down to the floor, I bring my knees up and rest my head on them. The water pelts me from behind.
“I thought you were going to be there for me,” I say to no-one. “Why did you let me go?” There’s a weight on my chest, and I place my hand on it. “Why aren’t you listening to me, Ryker?” I sob into my legs, wrapping my arms around my shins.
I stay like that until the water goes cold. Pulling myself up, I turn off the tap and wrap a small, shitty towel around me. I head back into my room and take out a pair of leggings and a t-shirt. I dress and then wrap the same small shitty towel around my hair to help soak up some of the water. I next move to the bed and sit back against the headboard.
Picking up my phone, my finger hovers over Ryker’s name. I bite my lip, unsure if I should feel the disappointment when he doesn’t pick up. Instead, I close the phonebook out and click on my messages. It may be better to send him a message. He can choose to read it or not, but at least I can try again to get through to him.
Me: Ryker, I’m sorry for everything. For the hurt I caused both you and your family. God, why won’t you just listen to me, Ryker? Well … What I’m saying next, I’m only saying because I don’t think I will ever get the chance to say it to your face. Please remember our good times. Please don’t forget our stolen moments or our times of passion. I love you, Ryker. I always will.
Before I can erase it, I hit send. Picking back up my earbuds, I place them in my ears and turn back on the song,Ashes of Eden. I lean my head back against the headboard and close my eyes.
Tomorrow’s a new day. I have nothing left, and there’s no other choice than to start over again. But this time, without my heart.
I left that back in Weston.
Chapter 19
Ryker
Sleep didn’t comefor me last night. I missed her in my bed. Her soft breathing that helps lull me to sleep. I didn’t have that, but I could still smell her on my bed. Like she was right there next to me. I missed her.
Her.
I don’t even know what to call her. Zoey, Nicole, Allison. The only name I knew her by was Zoey, but that tastes bitter on my mouth now. She texted me, but I’ve yet to read it. I just can’t. I’m sure it’s an apology or something. I just can’t deal with it right now.
I rub my palms into my eyes. I’ve been at the station since six this morning. Figured if I couldn’t sleep, I might as well get some paperwork done.
Picking up the folder I got from Dean, I open it up and take another look at the information he sent over. My stomach sinks as I pull out the papers. My heart still can’t believe what my eyes are seeing.
Allison Rose Davis. Age twenty-seven. Five foot three. One hundred and thirty-seven pounds. Red hair with hazel eyes. I pull out a picture, and it’sher. There’s a pain in my chest as I look at the photo. We were so good together. She made me feel like I was walking on air. I saw her bloom with her independence on the ranch. I shake my head, let out a long sigh, and continue reading the information in front of me.
Allison was adopted by the Moores twenty-seven years ago after they lost their daughter, who was stillborn. They chose not to change her name. The daughter they lost was named Nicole Moore. I pause and let that soak in.
As I continue raking through her past, shock comes over me with each thing I read. She had mental issues that have amounted to her staying in mental facilities for periods of time. I groan in anger. That could explain the name usage. If she were mentally unstable, using the baby’s name wouldn’t have been that big of a deal for her.
Reading further, I grow angrier. I can feel my face heating up, and my leg is shaking underneath my desk. Everything about her is a lie. She has no teaching degree. No friends. Nothing. Everything she told me was a complete lie.
Her mental instability could explain all the issues on the ranch. Did she do them for attention? Fuck. Damnit. She was a good liar. I exhale loudly as I continue to sort through it all.
Dean let me know that her fiancé, Mitch, even put out a missing persons as soon as he realized she was gone. Yes, according to him, they were still engaged. The fiancé said that she has run before because the “voices tell her not to get married.” Allison’s completely unstable. And I had her near my family, in my house, in my bed. But she never seemed unstable. She was focused and driven, determined to make her way in the world. Hell, just getting her stay on the ranch was a battle.
For another hour, I stare at everything in front of me. Something is nagging at me in the back of my mind. The information’s there, but it doesn’t feel right. With the exceptions of the issues on the ranch, she never felt off. She didn’t seem unhinged or unbalanced. The file says it’s her, but it isn’t her. Even the things that happened on the ranch don’t fit in with what I know about her. I feel like I’m missing the piece of the puzzle.
Reaching into my back pocket, I dial Deans number.
“Fuller,” Dean answers.
“Hey, it’s Holliday. All that information you sent over, is this all there is?” I stare back down at the folder.
“That was just a quick run-down. Why?” he asks.
“Something isn’t right. I mean it’s her, but it’s not. Nothing’s lining up with the woman I knew. She didn’t exhibit any mental issues. She never talked about being adopted. Gut feeling. Something doesn’t sit right.” I lean back in my chair.
Dean falls silent for a minute, and I can hear the clacking of a keyboard in the background. “Hm. Okay. I still have some agents working on it, so let me look deeper into what they’ve found. I’ll get right on this and see if I can find anything and get it over to you today.”
“Please. If something else is going on …” I let my words fall off. He knows why I don’t want to finish in that sentence.
“You got it, Holliday.”