Page 69 of Revelry

To my absolute mortification Deb is still laughing, her eyes are wet with tears, and her face is beet red as she doubles over with her hands on her knees. Not only is that fuel enough to add to the torch I’m about to set myself on fire with but Zed sets down his sandwich, brushing the crumbs from his mouth. He stands up, places his huge hands on my shoulders and says, “Let’s get you unstuck, Ginge.”

“Not you.” I push him off and point at Deb. “Her.”

“Me?” Deb’s eyes widen and her lips twist into a grimace. “Oh, hell no.”

“Deb’s squeamish when it comes to pussy. I’ll do it.”

“Zed, I’ve already let two members of this band see my vagina. I think that’s more than enough, don’t you?”

“Zed gets to see your vagina too?” Ash says, coming up behind me.

“No. Zed is not seeing anything. Debbie, please? I know you’re not my number one fan or anything but please, I beg of you, from one female to another, please help me with this.”

“Ash, move the hell outta the way, would you?” Coop says, walking up behind Ash.

“Yeah, what’s the fucking hold up?” Levi says from behind him. “I’m starving.”

When Cooper sees me in a towel, his eyes bug out. “Ali-Cat. Looking a little underdressed, aren’t we, babe?”

“Jesus Christ, woman, if you’re propositioning Zed and Ash now, we’re going to have a problem,” Levi says.

“I’m not propositioning anyone.”

“I don’t understand why you didn’t just get that shit done before we left?” Deb says, sipping her coffee.

“What shit?” Coop asks.

“Nothing,” I say

Zed says, “Ali’s vagina is stuck together.”

At the same time, Deb says, “Red here had a little waxing accident.”

“No fucking way,” Levi says.

“Are you okay?” Coop asks, and I can tell he’s trying not to laugh. He’s trying and failing miserably because his lips keep jerking up in a stupid fucking grin before he schools them back into place.

“Fuck you all.”

“Sorry, vagina makes me gag,” Deb says.

I manage to squeeze past Ash but Coop isn’t quite so accommodating. He grabs the knot in my towel and yanks me against him. It isn’t difficult, because there’s next to no room between him and I anyway.

“You didn’t want me to help you with this little problem?”

“Hell no, I didn’t want to ask you.”

“She was trying to find me, right, Red?” Levi asks, but I just glare at him.

“Actually, I didn’t want either of you to see this so I just thought I’d seek out the only other female who might have been through this same sort of thing to help me, but obviously I was wrong.”

“Hell yes, you were wrong. I’ve never done anything thatstupid,” Deb says, and Coop gives her a disappointed look. “I still don’t know why you didn’t sort the muff-scaping before we left.”

“Because I was living in my car with barely enough money to feed myself, Deb. Brazilian waxes weren’t really high on my list of priorities.”

“Oh shit, you attempted a Brazilian on your own?” Deb asks, and she’s laughing again. “On a tour bus?”

“Brazilian?” Levi whispers, and he’s doing that growly thing in the back of his throat that makes my vagina do cartwheels.