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“The way I feel about you has never changed. And it’s never going to.” There’s a finality in his tone I’d find incredibly romantic under normal circumstances. He sounds so purposeful. Committed.
But I need to push him away, not draw him closer.
My fingernails dig into my arms where I’ve crossed them, and I focus on the pain of that rather than the turmoil churning inside me. “I’m not doubting that. But I thought we agreed-”
“No,youagreed. You were the one who said we had to stay apart.”
“Because it’s the right thing to do.”
His gaze weighs heavily on me, but I ignore it as best I can. “If that’s what you want,” he finally says, opening the door behind him and slamming it shut as he exits.
My arms drop, all the fight leaving me, and I stumble over to the lounge seating to sink down, letting the tears flow, the ache from holding them back so long easing.
My hands come around my middle, clutching my sides tightly as I tell myself over and over that what I did is for the best. It’s what I’ve planned to do this whole time. It’s not like I’m making some drastic decision. This is the way things are supposed to be.
But I can’t get his words out of my head.I’m in love with you. How can this man make my heart soar while simultaneously having me feel like the lowest worm? Is there anything worse than confessing your love to someone, only for them to reject you?
But if I had repeated those words of love to him, it would have been all over. There’s no way he would have left after that.
And sometimes, love isn’t enough. Love can’t keep a roof over my head, my business on track, pay off past debts. I’d be risking everything. And I… I can’t do that.
Even if the thought of never seeing him again leaves me gasping for breath. Never watching his gorgeous blue eyes that look upon me with such reverence. Never having his arms around me, safe and whole in his embrace. Never hearing his sweet words that feed my soul.
Good God, why am I torturing myself?
I stand and brush the last of the tears away from my face, mentally fortifying myself. The biggest wedding of my career is tomorrow and I’ve got work to do. I still need to double check my checklists. Need to run through the timeline again till I have it completely memorized. Need to work on suppressing my emotions so I don’t lose it when the minister announces Gabriel and Serena are husband and wife at last.
Tomorrow will be fine. It has to be.