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She refused my offer to pick her up, and though she didn’t give a reason, it had to be because of yesterday. At least she still agreed to come visit Kaia with me. I want her in my life, even if we have to be just “friends”.

I join her outside, keeping my hands in my pockets so I’m not tempted to hug her in greeting. To kiss her on the cheek.

To be close to her in any way possible.

She asked for space and I’ll respect that. Even if it kills me.

“You ready?”

She glances up, smiling when she recognizes me, and it twists the knife in my heart a little further.

“Hi. Yes, I am.” She drops her phone in her purse, smoothing down the front of her white floral dress, the style more casual than the ones she usually dons. “I wasn’t sure what to wear today.”

“You look perfect.”

Her eyes widen, and I immediately regret my words. Or maybe not the words so much as the longing behind them.

“Come on.” I motion for her to follow me inside, where we bypass security since I’m a regular here and navigate to the third floor where the Eileen Bishop wing is.

Now that I consider it, today is probably the perfect day to spend with Mackenzie after yesterday. The kids will be here as a buffer so I won’t have a chance to recall the delicate softness of her neck, her lips under mine… the gut punch as she’d pulled away from me, sorrow and resignation in her eyes.

Damn it. I’m not supposed to be thinking about that.

“What’s it like?” she whispers on the elevator ride up, rubbing her hands up and down her arms. “With the kids?”

I consider her question, trying to sum up my experiences of the last couple of years in just a few sentences. “It’s not as sad as you’d think. There’s an air of… hope around the place. Everyone tries to stay positive. That’s our job today. Make things seem as normal as possible.”

She nods, following me as I walk down the colorfully decorated hallway and into the wing. I pause at the front desk and one of the pediatric oncology nurses, Ruby, smiles widely at me, the beads at the ends of her braids catching the light to shine softly. “Kaia’s got about twenty minutes until her treatment. She was asking about you.”

“Thanks.”

She eyes Mackenzie curiously but doesn’t stop her as we head towards Kaia’s assigned room. I guess that’s one perk of having your family name on the front door - no one questions you about anything.

I spot Kaia’s mom sitting next to her bed, rubbing at her forehead with her phone up to her ear.Insurance company, she mouths to me.

“I can sit with her,” I whisper. She gives me a grateful look and kisses Kaia’s temple before walking toward the lobby.

“Hi, Gabe,” Kaia smiles sweetly, her big brown eyes crinkling at the corners.

I shouldn’t play favorites, but she was the first kid I really connected with here, once I got over my awkwardness wondering if I even deserved to be here. I believed in the beginning I had nothing to offer except Dad’s money, but once I realized the kids wanted someone to talk to, it became the easiest thing in the world.

“Mom said you’re getting married,” she says in her typical non-sequitur fashion. “Is this her?” She peeks over shyly at Mackenzie.

Wow, what a great way to start this visit, especially after yesterday’s fiasco.

I take a seat in the hard-backed chair her mom vacated, and pat the one next to it for Mackenzie to sit down. “No, this is my friend, Mackenzie. She’s actually planning my wedding.”

I peek at the monitors she’s plugged into, scanning them to make sure her vitals look good, and ignore the steady beep emanating from them. After about ten minutes, I’ll have tuned it out completely.

“Will it be a fairytale wedding?”

The girl’s obsessed with fairytales.

“Oh yeah, the biggest bash the kingdom has ever seen. We’ve invited Goldilocks, Rumpelstiltskin, and the Fairy Godmother too.”

“You’re teasing me,” Kaia smiles, revealing a missing bottom tooth.

“No, no. It’s true. Tell her, Mackenzie.”