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“I’m not here to rehash that,” I interrupt her, not ready for her to tell me again why we can’t be together, why being here tonight is a bad idea. “I’m just here to share some dessert with you.”
She nods, stepping back from the door to let me in, and makes her way to the couch where her laptop is open on the coffee table, curling her legs up underneath her. Is there ever a time she isn’t working?
“Am I interrupting anything?”
“Just catching up on some work. I actually got an email from a previous client. It’s their six month wedding anniversary, and she reached out to tell me how special her wedding day was and how grateful she was for everything I did for them.” She gives a soft smile, face glowing. “It was exactly what I needed to hear. To remind me why I love what I do. Why it’s worth it. I make dreams come true.”
Just not her own.
Or mine.
She takes a dainty bite of her cupcake, wiping at the corner of her mouth before saying, “You know the schedule for tomorrow?”
Like I need reminding. “Yep.”
“Did you, um, want me to go with you-”
“No.” I don’t need Mackenzie reminded yet again of my impending marriage. Tomorrow morning, nine a.m. sharp, Serena and I have an appointment to get our marriage license. I’ve kept putting it off, this part of the wedding planning more real than picking out a cake or choosing a band. This is legal. Binding.
Forever.
But it’s not like I can ignore it much longer. The wedding is the day after tomorrow.
A whole body shudder runs through me, and I chase the sour notion away with a bite of sweet wafer cookie. What will my life be like just two nights from now?
She gets up to grab forks from the kitchen and hands one to me as a sudden thought occurs to me. “Will I see you again after this?”
She stills. “What?”
“After Saturday. Will we still be… friends?”
Once the wedding is over, there’s technically no more reason for us to interact.
She sits down carefully next to me and spears a bite of cheesecake, taking her time chewing before replying. “I don’t know,” she says honestly, meeting my eye. “But I’d like to be. Even if we can’t…” She swallows, staring down at her dessert. “Be together, you’re still important to me.”
“Will it be weird?” I take my own bite, the cheesecake creamy and sweet.
“I guess that depends on us.”
The thought of never seeing her again is too painful to consider, but at the same time, knowing I’ll never be able to slide my hands around her trim waist, never nibble on that delicious neck, never sink into her soft warmth… it almost seems as tortuous to be denied the intimate way I crave her.
“I want you in my life, no matter what,” I tell her, unable to consider any other possibility. “But I don’t know how that’s going to work just yet.”
She nods and sets down her fork, reaching out a hand to give mine a quick squeeze.
We sit in companionable silence as we finish our desserts, and I sink into the couch cushions and close my eyes, releasing a long breath.
Will it still be okay to come over here after I’m married? I’d normally have no issue with a guy and girl being friends and hanging out with one another, but we both know that’s not the case here. This is no platonic relationship. This is desire. Unfulfilled longing.
Love.
I’ll take what I can get for now, soaking in the comfort of her presence, imagining for a moment this is us on a normal weeknight. No demanding fathers. No unwanted fiancees. No threats and livelihoods at stake.
Just me and the woman I want above all others.