Page 35 of Redd

Chapter Six

Redd

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Idling at the light, I stared past the red orb and out into the distance. My mind was a whirlwind of what had taken place, and then again. . . I was blank.

My inner voice wasn't talking, there were no run-on sentences of how I was going to take on this new challenge. All I could see were flashes.

Flashes of that girl looking up at me, her weeping eyes begging for help and comfort, safety and protection. Snapshots of the man that had stumbled upon me, the way his anger and rage exploded as he came at me full force.

The vein in his temple pulsed, the white of his eyes grew brighter as his pupils turned black. And then I see my hands. I see my fingers as they curl around his throat, I see them as they twitch and shake as more pressure fills them to the tip, and he can no longer breathe.

I stared off into the distance, and right into the eyes of another life I took.

What the hell did I do?

“It's green.”

“What?” I said, startled out of my trance.

“Green means go.” Vicki leaned her head back against the seat, rolling it in my direction. Her eyes shifted between mine, and I knew that look. She wanted to ask me something.

Don't ask me, Vicki, just don't.

I'm not ready to give answers.

“What is it?” I warily questioned, hoping she would just start to beg me for something minute. Tacos for dinner, going out to buy new sneakers, anything but the one question I didn't want to answer.

“What's wrong, Redd?”

She's fishing. I know your tricks, little one.

Hitting the gas, I turned my lips down, shaking my head. “Nothing's wrong, everything is fine.” Playing it cool, I chuckled and pointed out the window. “Look at that dog, he looks like he's covered in shag carpeting.”

Vicki let out an annoyed sigh, wriggling in her seat to sit higher.“You're lying to me.” Her brows bent in hard as she veered her stare.

Damn, she has that same look as our mother.

It sent shivers up my spine to see that look. Years had passed between my mother giving me those same disbelieving eyes and the young girl beside me. But the same feelings flooded my body; shame, denial, sadness, all of it for not being honest and knowing she was aware of it too.

Unfortunately, there were secrets that needed to be kept, ones that were meant only for me and the big man upstairs. When the time came, I'd take his judgment, I'd hold my head up high and I'd let him decide my fate.

For now, I just did what I had to do to survive. It was the same now as it was when I was fourteen, fifteen, sixteen—either piss or get off the pot. There was no in between, not for me, not for Vicki, not for either of us.

“No I'm not.” Grabbing the wheel with both hands, I focused my attention on driving, staring straight out the windshield. “Everything is fine, Vicki, I don't want you to worry about a thing.”

“Redd, stop, you're doing that thing. I can see it.” Scoffing, she twisted away from me and leaned against the window. “You don't have to bull-shit me.”

“Hey,” I barked, snapping my eyes in her direction. “I don't want to hear you saying shit like that.”

Cocking her head over her shoulder, she gave me one of her signature eye rolls.

Damn it.

“Sorry, I should try and watch what I say too.”

“It's not that, I don't care if you swear, that doesn't bother me. But it does bother me when you lie to me.”