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Story: Promise Me, Katie

“Go!” she laughed, returning to the warmth of her bed. “And give Libby a squeeze for me.”

“Will do,” Matthew called out over his shoulder.

As Katherine listened to him hurry down each stair to be with his little girl, her heart swelled with admiration. The love and commitment he felt for his daughter had her wishing he’d been Addison’s father, too.

But the moment the thought entered her mind was the same moment her stomach twisted into a knot of regret. “God, forgive me,” she said. “That was so wrong of me.”

When she tried falling back to sleep, she couldn’t. She tossed and turned and, eventually, left the warmth of her blankets to kneel down and pray. Lowering her head, she realized she hadn’t prayed in years.

“I know it’s wrong to wish Matthew was Addison’s daddy and not Max. I want to believe he loved her, but sometimes I feel like he didn’t care about her at all. I’ve been so angry at him all this time, but I’m tired of being angry. It’s too much. It’s exhausting. And I can’t do it anymore. Please take away this anger inside of me.”

Then Katherine thought about losing Addison and all the times she begged for it not to be true. Along with the times she told God she couldn’t live without her baby and that terrible day when she last prayed and told God that without Addison, her life had no meaning. Begging Him to take her from the misery of it.

Then she thought about all the hopes and dreams she never allowed herself to pray for. How her fear had been bigger than her faith. And how she was too scared to pray for someone new to come into her life even though she wanted it so much.

“I’m sorry I never asked for someone to love again. I wanted to be grateful for everything you blessed me with, but my dream of having a husband and a family never went away. I thought I had to hide that hope inside my heart, but I’ve only hidden it behind my guilt and regrets. And if I’m honest, my pain and my anger.”

As Katherine felt a weight lifting from her spirit, she continued, “I loved Addison so much, and I’m glad she’s with you if she can’t be here with me. But I still want a family of my own.”

Katherine paused to think about her time with Matthew and Libby.

“I don’t know if there’s another baby in your plan for me, but I’m so grateful for time with this wonderful man and his littlegirl. Thank you for bringing them into my life. Please guide us and show us how to let go of the past and walk together toward the future.”

With tears streaming down her face, she knew there was more to say. “And please forgive me for hating Julia. I know it’s wrong. And regardless of what I thought, she was still the person Matthew once loved and the mother of his beautiful baby. Please help me to appreciate her for those things.”

Feeling herself start to fade, Katherine got back on the bed and pulled the blankets up around her face. “Thank you for this second chance.”

After falling back into a deep and peaceful sleep, Katherine slept until her first alarm went off. As her eyes fluttered open, she saw Matthew sitting beside her on the edge of the bed.

“Good morning,” he whispered, after reaching for and turning off the incessant buzzing of the clock.

“How’s Libby?”

“Wide awake when I got there.”

“She’s alright, though?”

“Yeah.” Matthew yawned. “After I got her back to sleep, we stayed up and ate leftover pancakes.”

“You kept them?”

“Of course I did.”

“Did you remember how to reheat them?”

“I did it just like you taught me. In the oven, low temp, with a loose covering of aluminum foil.”

Katherine grinned. “I’ve trained you well, my pet.”

Without missing a beat, Matthew growled, ready to attack.

“Stop!” she squealed, and he obeyed, giving her a quick peck on the lips before climbing on the bed and pulling her to his chest with another yawn. “You must be exhausted.”

“I’m fine.” He snuggled even tighter. “But I’d be better if we didn’t have to go to work today.”

Katherine wondered what it would be like to escape an entire day of responsibilities and spend it with Matthew.

“If we could have the day all to ourselves, what would we do?”