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And though he liked Peter, he longed for Katherine. But with guilt and anger still churning inside him, he didn’t know how to make peace with his feelings for her.

***

“I hear you’re still going to that group thing,” Justin finally said one day as they were driving through the streets of Windsong. “I didn’t think you had to keep goin’ if you got cleared for work. It must be good.”

It’d been more than a week since Matthew returned to the job, and aside from work-related topics, he wasn’t saying much.

“It’s fine.”

Justin pulled the cruiser up to a stop sign and turned to look at Matthew. “So… you’re sayin’ it’s fine then?”

“Yeah. Fine.”

“Well?”

“Well, what?”

“Well, hell’s bells, man. Say somethin’ more about it,” Justin snapped in frustration.

“About what?”

“That group thing you’re goin’ to.”

“What about it?” Matthew turned to stare at Justin.

“I don’t know… tell me what its like. Is it workin’? Is it helpin’ at all? Do you like it? Do you hate it? Do you think it’s doin’ some good?” Justin ranted as he pulled away from the stop sign. “Damn, dude, I didn’t think I’d have to wrestle it outta ya. Can’t ya just tell me about it?”

“What the hell has gotten into you?”

“Nothin’.” Justin cut Matthew a look. “But I would like to know how my partners doin’. You haven’t said a thing all week.”

“Yes, I have.”

“Not about the group thing.”

Matthew felt his temper rising. “What exactly do you need to know? Do you think I’m gonna crack or something?”

“Doyou?”

The obvious concern in Justin’s voice helped calm Matthew down.

“No,” he sighed. “And it’s not the group that’s on my mind. It’s something else.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Not really,” Matthew said, relieved when Justin pulled the cruiser into the drive-thru at Bunny’s Burgers. He’d been feeling uptight all week, wondering if Justin would suggest going by the diner for lunch.

Since they’d been at The Copperwall the night the call came through about Julia’s accident, Matthew was hoping that Justin was avoiding it so being there didn’t bring up any bad memories. But in reality, Matthew didn’t want to go there because of the conflicting feelings he was still having for Katherine.

It was bad enough that he had to live next door to her and think about her all the time. Or see her every Friday night at their Grief Group sessions. Whether at home or at Hope Community, Matthew did his best not to interact with Katherine too much for fear of letting his feelings get away from him.

At least in the church, he felt safe with a pastor in the room. He also felt like it helped to block out his feelings by concentrating on the growing friendship between him and Peter.

“This okay?” Justin asked as Matthew reverted into his shell. “We could go somewhere else?”

“No. This is fine.”

“Great...” Justin mumbled, turning toward the speaker to order. “Noweverything’sfine.”