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“What you fail to understand is how different you are about Chloe,” Dawson said.
“I can’t figure out if it was the challenge of her constantly turning you down or if she’s the first woman to actually get under your skin.” Keaton studied Hayes’s facial expressions. The man generally had two modes. The happy-go-lucky guy or the guy who sprang into action when the shit hit the fan. Becoming a firefighter had been an interesting choice, but also an obvious one. He got to serve—and run into danger.
Plus, he got to take time off, kick back, relax, and do absolutely nothing for a few days. He’d always enjoyed his time off, whereas Keaton wasn’t built that way.Keaton was still struggling to learn to be a turtle, as Fletcher put it.
“Chloe’s not a challenge.” Hayes’s face hardened. His brow furrowed. His lips drew into a tight line.
Well, crap.
Keaton hadn’t meant to insult his friend, but now he had his answer. He held up his hand. “All I meant was that you’re the kind of man who generally takes rejection well. When it happens, you move on.”
Hayes sighed, leaning back in the chair. “For the record, she never flat-out rejected me. Her life is her career. I respect that. And no, she hasn’t gotten under my skin. Not like you think. But yeah, I do like her, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I just hate it when you all start psychoanalyzing my love life.”
“Can I ask you a question about all this without you jumping down my throat?” Dawson didn’t wait for a response. “We’ve been best friends for a long time. We’ve been through a lot together—botched missions, injuries, and the deaths of more than one brother-in-arms. We were captured and tortured—together—and our lives were forever changed when Ken died.”
“Get to the question,” Hayes interjected.
“We have never pushed. Never judged. Never questioned. But in all the years I’ve known you, I’ve never seen you this preoccupied about a woman. Not even Betsy, whom we all know you really liked. Outside of the fact that your family is massive, with religious beliefs that you don’t share, and the fact that you don’t want kids, which is fair, what is your aversion to being in a committed relationship?”
“Do I have to have a big, profound reason?” Hayes folded his arms.
“No, but most people have one.” Keaton certainly carried an emotional trauma that had closed him off from being able to make connections with the opposite sex.
“It’s not very complicated.” Hayes uncrossed his arms and rubbed his thighs.
Keaton held his breath, hanging on every word.
“You know, I was six when my twin died.” Hayes ran his fingers through his hair. He didn’t talk about his twin often. It had been something that had shaped his childhood and his relationship with his family.
But Keaton would have never guessed it could have been something that would have shaped his relationships with women.
“My parents didn’t believe in vaccines. My family still doesn’t. It’s all part of their crazy religion. My brother died of a disease that a shot could’ve prevented. I got sick with the same thing, but I survived.”
Keaton had heard this all before. However, he wasn’t about to stop his friend. If he needed to retell it to get to the root of his issues, he’d listen.
“My folks didn’t even take us to the hospital. They had the neighbors come over to pray at our bedsides. I watched my twin die, and all my folks had to say about that was two things.” He wiggled his fingers. “That God had called for him. That God loved him so much that he wanted him in heaven. And that I didn’t pray hard enough for my twin. That I must’ve prayed only for myself.”
That last part, Keaton had never heard. “Jesus, I’m sorry, man. That’s a horrible thing to say to a child.”
“When Max died, it was as if my better half died right along with him,” Hayes said softly. “For years, I was told that the devil must’ve slithered its way inside me. I would have random people pray over me in the streets. It was so messed up, and it screwed with my head for a long time. To be honest, sometimes, it still does because during those prayer sessions, someone inevitably reminds me that Max was the good twin, and I was the bad twin.” He raised his hand. “Logically, I know that’s not true. But the little boy in me will never be able to erase those memories.”
“I can’t even imagine what that was like for you,” Dawson agreed.
“I’m not done yet,” Hayes said. “When I was seventeen, there was this girl at school. She was so pretty and so sweet, and she had eyes for me. I thought I was the luckiest boy in school. We started dating—if you could call it that. I’d go to her house and sit on her porch, with her father watching, because in that crazy, backward town, if you even kissed, you were going to hell. But I followed the rules. We were finally given permission to go on unsupervised walks. I got to steal my first kiss.”
Keaton expected Hayes to smile at the memory, but he didn’t. Instead, he looked as if he’d swallowed a lemon.
“I was falling in love with that girl, and I thought she felt the same,” Hayes said softly. “I told her all about my plans to leave and join the Navy and how I wanted her to come with me. I had already secretly gotten all myvaccines. I had done so much without my parents’ knowledge, and you know what she did?”
“Told your folks?” Keaton asked.
Hayes nodded. “What a shit show that became. But I turned eighteen the next month. I left that place, and I didn’t look back. I didn’t speak to my parents for two years. The only reason I do now is that some of my siblings have a more tolerant viewpoint. I see my nieces and nephews on some holidays. I forgive them for their insanity. My parents were born into that church. They don’t know any different. And to be fair, they’re trying, but they’re getting up there in years, and I doubt they’ll change their ways now.”
“I get those years were messed up and how hard that was for you,” Dawson said. “But that girl, she was a long time ago. I don’t understand why her betrayal is keeping you from finding love. It’s not a horrible thing, you know.”
“Never said it was.” Hayes lifted his chin. “And it wasn’t just her. Shortly after boot camp, I got involved with another girl. She lied to me. She told me she was pregnant when she wasn’t.” Hayes shrugged. “After that, I decided to make the Navy my focus. I went right into SEAL training. I met all of you. Ken and Julie’s relationship always seemed so weird to me. Something wasn’t quite right with that.”
“You’ve said that before, and outside of her not really fitting in with us and being possessive over him, I’m not sure I saw the same thing,” Dawson said.