Page 19

“Oh. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. Not even my fault. But she called me that a few days before she died.” He raked his fingers through his hair. It was longer than it had ever been since he’d been eighteen, and he still wasn’t used to it. “It wasn’t true, and I know she didn’t mean it. They were words meant to hurt, and we had no idea that she’d die. But that’s not even the worst part.”
Trinity clutched her wineglass to her chest as if it were a rosary. “I can’t even imagine anything could be more awful than that,” she whispered.
“I was deployed when it happened, but because I was mad, I didn’t say I love you when I left.”
Trinity closed her eyes. Her chest rose and fell as she sucked in an audible breath. “I’m so sorry for your loss. That’s gut-wrenching.”
“You’re not going to ask me how she died?” He reached out, taking a strand of hair between his thumband forefinger and twisting it around. It was soft and smooth.
She blinked. “Does it matter? She’s gone, and that was—is—painful for you.”
“In this case.” He waved his hand between himself and her. “With this conflict between us, I believe the entire context here is important.”
She drew a deep breath. “Okay. How did Petra die?”
“Petra was an adrenaline junkie. We both were, but she was born and raised on it.” He’d never intended to tell the whole story, to be this vulnerable, yet there was no stopping the word vomit about to tumble out of his mouth. “Her little brother was eleven months younger, and their dad pushed him to be an athlete. Water-skiing, snow-skiing, race car driving—you name it, he did it. He had to be the best of the best at everything, and father and son were as thick as thieves. But when it came to Petra, she was just a girl. She was too pretty, too petite, not strong enough—basically, not a man to do any of the things her little brother was doing and that just pissed her off. At the ripe old age of ten, she cut a deal with her dad. She could do whatever she wanted as long as she was the best. She became a world-class water-skier. She actually beat her little brother on the racetrack, and she flew planes. She became an aerialist. However, she never really got the respect of her father and brother that she thought she deserved.”
“But she had yours,” Trinity said softly.
He nodded. “She was an amazing woman. However, she could be reckless in her thirst for her father’s attention. She pushed boundaries, and I did take issue withthat.” He raised his finger. “Because I loved her, not because I believed her place was in the kitchen.”
“That’s not what I said.”
“I know, but when Petra and I spent two years engaged, I thought it was time for us to think about actually getting married. I wanted kids. I didn’t want to wait. Of course, I’m not the one who would’ve carried them and given up a few months out of my crazy life, a fact that might’ve flown out of my brain the day we had our fight.” For a second, he wondered if he was no better than Petra for leaving out key details and for not being completely honest about why he’d been so mad at Petra.
What she’d done had been her choice. He believed that with every fiber of his being. But he also thought that she’d owed him—owed their love—a conversation before making that decision without even discussing it.
“I don’t believe most women think they’re giving up anything by having children—if that’s what they truly want,” Trinity said. “But it’s nice to have a partner who understands it’s our bodies that become a human incubator for nine months.”
“Trust me, I get that, and I never wanted Petra to stop being who she was. I just thought it was time for her to stop chasing the high—because that’s all it was— a high. I know this because I enjoyed jumping from perfectly good airplanes for shits and giggles. I bungee jumped. I raced cars, too.”
“You do all that stuff now?”
“No, not for fun anyway,” he said flatly, pouring himself one very large glass of wine. “Petra was apassionate woman—one of the many things I loved about her. The night of the fight, I was packing my things to go to the base for my briefing. I sat her down and told her I wanted her to set a date for the wedding while I was gone and that I wanted her to stop some of the activities. I wanted us to move forward with our lives.” All that was true, but when he’d gotten frustrated, he’d stormed off into the bedroom to take a break before he really said something that would get him in the doghouse. That’s when he’d found the medical records. That’s when he’d learned the truth about the baby and the abortion.
“I shouldn’t pry. This is your story.”
“What do you want to ask me?” He took the opportunity to sip. And sip. Okay, he swallowed three large gulps.
“Was it a discussion? Or a demand?”
He laughed. “It started off as a conversation. I told her how proud I was of all her accomplishments, and that I believed it was time for something different. That it was time for us to start living our lives together. It ended with me telling her that I thought she was reckless and her calling me that dirty word.” He lowered his chin. “I’m a lot of things. I can be controlling and opinionated. Sometimes, I can even be mean. I’ll admit to my faults. But being misogynistic is not one of them. I respect the hell out of women and what any lady has to do to get where she is. I couldn’t imagine being in her shoes. I’m a white dude who was born with a silver spoon in his mouth.” He pressed his finger against her lips. “I don’t care how privileged your life was, you’vestill had it harder than me. I do understand that. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. I just don’t understand why you’re trying to prove to anyone in this town that you’re…” He sucked in a deep breath and sighed. “You’ve got nothing to prove to anyone.”
“Easy for you to say. You’re the golden boy. The most popular kid in school.” She cocked a pretty little brow. “Yeah. I heard that about you. But do you know what I was? I was the rich girl who probably had a servant wipe my ass.”
“Audra does have a way with words.” He shook his head. “She’s your friend and doesn’t think that about you at all.”
“Maybe not, but you think I’m reckless with a stick up my butt just because I back my boat into the dock.”
“Backing your boat in doesn’t make you reckless. It just makes you a show-off.” He leaned closer. “You’re reckless because you’re emotionally charged about some of the things you do, like solo scuba diving for your friend.”
“Oh my God. Really?” Her turn to chug. “Look, I do understand the difference between doing something dangerous and being stupid.” This time, she covered his mouth. “I know all the dangers of scuba diving. I’ve been doing it my entire life. But I take all the necessary precautions each and every time I go out.Because. I. Don’t. Want. To. Die.I go out there regularly because it brings me joy. It gives me peace and serenity from the insanity that is often my life. My mom is nuts, and while she doesn’t live here anymore, it’s hard being her daughter. Being underwater is theone place on earth I don’t have to hear it. It’s also the only place in the world where I feel free of judgment in a place that doesn’t accept me for who I am.” She waved her hand toward the big house. “I am a princess. While I’ve made adjustments in my adult life with not only how I treat people but how I behave, I will not apologize for enjoying the things I’ve earned or a little bit of Daddy’s money. In this town, that makes me an outsider. People treat me differently. They look at me differently. Have you ever noticed that?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Everyone only expects two things from me. To be my mother’s daughter and to screw up. It’s like everyone is waiting for me to make a mistake. To fall on my face in my heels. To crash my boat into the dock.” She waved her hand. “Like the night Jared died and the way Silas came at me. His utter disappointment in me. That wouldn’t have happened to anyone else but me. And the way everyone stood out there, searching, scanning for my wreckage. It wasn’t so much because they were all worried. But because I might have finally done it. I might’ve finally gone and gotten myself killed, and don’t go and say that makes me reckless because that’s the rub—I’m not. The only mistake I made was not radioing Baily and giving her my coordinates when I saw that boat. But everything else, I did perfectly right.”