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Ian cocks his head and stares at me for a minute. Then he nods.

“Take off your shirt.”

He doesn’t have to tell me twice. He chuckles as I hasten to slip myMy Chemical Romancet-shirt off and toss it to the floor of the car. I should be more careful with my things, but I want to be naked with him. I want to touch him and to be touched by him.

“Anxious, are we?”

“I...well...”

I’m embarrassed. He knows that I want him. That’s not really a good thing. Ian doesn’t let me feel embarrassed for long, though. He grabs my hair, fisting it, and pulls me toward him in a deep, feisty kiss. He kisses like a damn god. While our mouths are working each other over, he removes my bra so effortlessly that I don’t even notice until it completely falls off. I look down at my breasts and then out the car window. We’re on the highway now, but any cars passing us will be able to see if they look.

Ian raises an eyebrow.

Am I going to fight him on this?

Or am I going to do whatever the fuck he wants to chase the idea of getting an orgasm?

5

When I used to danceat the studio, I was always a little shy. A little scared. My teacher used to tell me that I was like a caterpillar when I needed to be a butterfly.

“Let yourself go.”

That was all she used to tell me. It was a constant struggle between the two of us. Icouldn’tlet myself go, but she made it clear that Ineededto. If I didn’t, I wasn’t going to be able to get any good roles in the dance performances our studio did.

If I didn’t, everyone else would outpace me in dancing ability. They’d receive the good dance roles while I’d be left struggling, fighting for a place in a world that didn’t have room for me.

Now, as I look at Ian, those are the words rolling around in my head. He’s going to do something that I’m not going to like, but I’m going to let him do it. I already know.

Part of my willingness to give in to him – I won’t call itsubmission– is simply that I’m bored and curious. He’s a novelty. He’s one thing my father can’t control or stop. My dad can’t monitor Ian.

I’m certain now that my father is in over his head with this guy. Ian might be planning to kill him or maybe he’ll simply discredit Dad and take his place. There will be no love lost from me if that happens. My father has protected me in many ways, but he has never loved me. Men like my father and Ian don’t know what the word “love” means.

Now, as I look at Ian, he waits. I reach for his chest, but he slaps my hands away. He’s not going to let me touch him until I give him more.

“Lorenzo doesn’t speak to me,” I say again.