Page 101 of Monster's Edge

“Smart girl.”

Then we start walking up.

3

When I was a littlegirl, I used to spend my summers at the beach. My mother would take me and the two of us would enjoy running in the sand, splashing in the water, and eating ice cream until we felt like our bellies would explode. I barely remember her. On most days, I can’t even think of what her face looked like. I don’t remember how she smelled or the way her voice sounded. All I remember is that when I was with her, I felt safe.

After she passed away, I was thrust into a world she had guarded me from. Protected me from. She had done her best to make sure that nobody ever hurt me, and when I lost her, I lost that protection.

My father was a powerful man. He was the type of man who would do anything to keep what he viewed as his. If a company was his, or a part of town was his, he’d guard it with everything he had. He was a man of many resources – some of which might be mine now.

As it turns out, he was no match for Ian Salucci, though.

All of this floats through my mind as I make my way up the seemingly endless stairwell that ascends into the upper floors of Ian’s home. He’s close behind me as I walk. Maybe he wants to make sure that I don’t trip in my dress and go tumbling down the staircase like Alice tumbling to Wonderland.

Maybe.

Or maybe he just doesn’t want me to change my mind and run away.

Could that be it?

I haven’t forgotten what I asked him hours ago: to get a job. I haven’t forgotten that what I really want is a place where I can feel like I am all on my own. Even if Ian does what my dad did and sends people to work near or around me in order to keep an eye on me, I don’t care. I just want something I can do where I feel like I’m making a difference.

I don’t want to be a glass doll locked in a cage.

Not forever.

That’s the kind of thing my father always wanted for me. He wanted me to be this frail, fragile thing he could protect. He always sort-of believed that I was easily breakable, but I’m not. I’m learning this now more than ever. I am not breakable. I am not fragile.

And I’m not going to lose.

Whatever happens next with Ian, I know it’s going to hurt me. It has to. Nothing ever ends well when you’re dealing with a crime boss. It’s just that I don’t care.

I don’t care if he hurts me because I crave the pain. I don’t care if he destroys me because I’m already broken. I don’t care if he makes me cry because I don’t think I have any more tears I can cry.

When we reach the top of the stairs, I discover that we’re in another hallway.