Page 74

He was a bastard for not being able to tell her what she needed to hear. “My life is one of risk management.” He hesitated. “Giving you my heart again seems like too great a risk.”
Her hand flew to her mouth to stifle a sob.
“It doesn’t mean I don’t care.” He threw up his hands. “Bloody hell, Nathalie, I’ve put my job on the line because I refuse to let anyone else protect you. And I’ve given up trying to keep my hands off you whilst I’m living in your home. Let that be enough for now.” She needed to understand the world he operated in. “My work is dangerous. I have to be willing to put my life on the line for a client. To die in their place if that’s what’s needed. Do you understand?”
She gave a silent nod.
He ground his teeth at the sadness lurking in her teary eyes. “I like what I do. Protecting others. I’m good at it.”
Her chin lifted, resolve chasing away the shadows on her face. “I’m not going to lie. The thought of something happening to you makes me sick. I’ve already lost people I love. Reese. My dad.”
She wrapped her paint-stained fingers around his arm. “But Iseeyou. How capable you are. How confident, and yes, deadly.” More tears welled, making her eyes luminescent in the light thrown off by the dining room chandelier. “I wouldn’t ask you to give it up. I love you, Ryder.Thisversion of you, not just the boy I knew in college.”
Another piece of the wall around his heart crumbled.
He kissed her lips, salty from tears that escaped and now gathered at the corners of her mouth. “Don’t cry, darling.” Her pain brushed against his skin like thorns, snagging his flesh and drawing blood.
He had a sinking feeling he wouldn’t be able to leave her when the time came and remain unscathed.
“Come with me to Nathan and Emily’s engagement party tomorrow night.” He hadn’t planned to attend, much less bring Nathalie, but when the words left his mouth, they felt right.
Her mouth gaped, then closed. “Are you sure I won’t be intruding?” Curiosity and a hint of anxiety sparked the gold in her eyes.
“Of course not,” he assured her. “The event is being hosted by Emily’s parents.” What could he say to put her at ease? “Her father is a retired four-star admiral. There are bound to be several defense industry people there, some politicians too, I’d expect. It will be a networking opportunity for you.”
What would Sophia and Emily think of her? Maybe if Lachlan got to know her better, he’d understand why Ryder would put his career on the line to keep her safe.
Her shoulders drooped, the light in her eyes dimming. “Networking. Sounds great. Thank you.”
What the hell had he said to upset her now? “You need a break from all the stress you’ve been under, and I won’t have to worry about your safety at The Army and Navy Club. It’s a restricted venue.”
Nathalie didn’t respond. Instead, she retreated into the kitchen. She turned on the faucet and gave two pumps into her palm from the liquid hand soap dispenser next to the sink. “You still think this guy is a threat?”
He raised his voice to be heard over the running water. “Call it a feeling. I’m not taking any chances.” His sixth sense told him whoever was after Nathalie’s technology now viewed Ryder as an adversary. And if he was former SAS, he wouldn’t simply walk away.
Shutting off the water with her elbow, Nathalie tore a single sheet of paper towel from the roll on the counter and turned to give Ryder a hard stare. “What aren’t you telling me?”
She needed to know. “The man after your technology may be former British Army special forces. If I’m right, he won’t give up until he’s gotten what he came for. No matter what he has to do to get it.” His jaw tightened at the flash of fear in her eyes. “I’m what’s standing in his way.”
He waited for her to say something in the sudden quiet that fell over the kitchen.
She blew out a harsh breath. “You’re right, I need to do something fun. I’d love to meet Nathan’s fiancée. What time tomorrow?”
“We need to be ready by six p.m.”
Nathalie nodded. “I’m going to head upstairs, take a bath, and turn in.”
“Do you want company?” His voice lowered, his cock already hardening at the visual of her naked in the tub, the water sluicing off her golden-brown skin, her nipples peaking just above the surface to tempt him.
She gave him a smile that set his teeth on edge for the melancholy she couldn’t hide beneath the tilt of her lips. “I’d love for you to join me, but I think it’s better if I don’t get too used to it, don’t you? It’s going to be hard enough to say goodbye when you leave.”
With that, she turned and headed for the stairs, leaving him to stare at the graceful sway of her hips, her rejection a drumbeat of disappointment that reverberated through his entire body.
He wanted to argue or seduce her into changing her mind. They didn’t know what the future would hold, so why not take advantage of their time together now? He knew what she wanted him to say and…he wasn’t ready.
He didn’t know when he would be.
His sigh echoed in the empty kitchen.