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“That bloody bastard. Why didn’t you tell me you needed help?” He slapped a hand to his chest, the sound a rifle shot to her ears. “Me.” The hurt in his eyes made her stomach roil. “I could have gotten the money.”
“How?” She clutched the bedsheets tighter as if to protect herself from the battering waves of his emotions. “You were twenty-one, about to join your father’s company. He controlled everything—your money and your future.”
“You threw us away for money.” Ryder spat out the words as if they were poison. “That last day, when I was working up the courage to propose, you told me I was nothing more than a college fling.”
She couldn’t stop the tears now, so she didn’t try. “I couldn’t abandon my family. They needed me. And I couldn’t let you abandon yours, despite your father. I had to make you believe I didn’t love you, so you wouldn’t follow me. So you’d move on.”
As quickly as Ryder’s emotions surfaced, they retreated behind a cool stare.
Nathalie’s heart cramped as his face blanked, his eyes once again shielding his thoughts. She would have felt better if he’d raged, but his next words were low, absent of emotion.
And that hurt more than anything she could imagine.
“I would have given up everything for you. Gladly. Including my family if they didn’t accept you.” His words were a dagger to her heart. “I already was a disappointment to them. Still am, although now I don’t care. After I joined the army, I learned I didn’t need them, or you, to prove my worth. I did that on my own.”
He turned away, but not before she saw pain twist his features. “I knew what family meant to you. Obviously, you didn’t consider me family.”
She couldn’t help the sob that tore from her throat. “I’m so sorry.”
“This was a mistake.” His voice was so low she barely heard him.
“What was a mistake?” She was terrified of the answer.
He threw his head back and stared at the ceiling. “Coming here. I always thought it was something I did.”
“Ryder—”
“You say you love me, but the truth is, I didn’t matter enough for you to fight for us. And that’s something I can’t change.”
The protest forming in her throat died. What could she possibly say that he would believe? The evidence was stacked against her.
When he lowered his head, his gaze was so cold she wanted to scream from the pain of it. “I thought seeing you again, finding out why you left me, would help me move on. You’ve given me that, at least.”
He disappeared into the living room, ignoring her anguished cries. When he returned, he had her clothes in his hands. He dropped them on the chair, then tossed a gray t-shirt on the bed. “Danny brought you something to sleep in.” Gathering his own clothes from the carpet, he turned away. “I’ll be in the other bedroom, where I belong.”
“You’re staying?” A slim ray of hope broke through her misery. As angry as he was, she’d expected him to pack his bags, climb into the Suburban and disappear from her life.
Ryder halted in her doorway to face her. “You’re in danger, and no matter what’s happened between us, I won’t leave you unprotected.” His mouth twisted on his next words. “You’re paying for my services and I’m nothing if not a professional.”
Nathalie jammed her fist against her lips to hold back the dam of surging emotions as he closed the door behind him, but they escaped anyway.
Giving in, she curled into a ball on her bed and bled eight years’ worth of loss and heartache onto sheets that smelled of Ryder.
He hadn’t been worth fighting for.
Ryder sank onto the bed in the other bedroom, his trousers in his hand, his gaze fixed blindly on the wall.
His father had been fighting to preserve tradition and the status quo. Nathalie had been fighting for her family. Even his army mates had fought with him because he was part of the team.
But no one had ever fought forhim.
Fucking hell.He could really use a shot of whisky.
Nathalie had brought him to the peak with mind-blowing sex, only to turn around and kick him in the bollocks.
The hurt in her eyes, her sobs as he left her bedroom, settled uneasily in his gut. Her emotion seemed genuine. He’d always been an astute observer of people. His entire life, he’d been the person in the room observing rather than speaking. His SAS training and combat experience had honed that skill.
But Nathalie breaking up with him had been a hit he’d not seen coming. Why hadn’t she come to him? Told him the truth? She’d discarded him as soon as the ink was dry on her Oxford degree certificate.