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“Damn you, Lady,” he hissed.

“You started it,” I mumbled around the intrusion in my mouth, which was slowly moving in and out.

A deep rumble of an engine revving broke the spell. As quickly as his thumbs had thrust in my mouth, they disappeared. Jumping up, he tugged his gun free from the holster on his hip and engaged the slide.

John’s old Dodge rounded the curved drive, making Cas’s shoulders drop from their semipermanent place by his ears.

“Oh good, another day with that dipshit,” he sighed as he put the gun back into the holster.

“When are those FBI guys coming to help?” I asked. Chandler called yesterday with the report of them finding all ten bodies, which were being identified with dental records and DNA samples, and told us he was still working on finding Cas some help in protecting me.

“Tonight,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest and widening his stance as John approached the porch.

I shook my head.

Men.

“Well that should help. Maybe then you can get more than a few hours’ sleep.” I knocked his calf with the tip of my toe to get his attention. “With me,” I whispered.

“Fucking finally,” he grunted in response. “I’ve never had blue balls so bad.”

“What are you two talking about?” John asked as he climbed the steps, his hesitant gaze flicking between Cas and me.

“Nothing,” I said at the same time Cas said, “Blue balls.”

“Whatever,” John grumbled, then pushed the front door open to stomp inside.

Our smiles mirrored one another’s when our eyes met. Cas simply shook his head and went back to watching the sunrise.

“Peters called this morning with an update. It seems all the women had traces of a sedative-type drug in their blood. Since we still don’t know how long he held on to the women before disposing of them, we don’t know if he drugged them only during their capture or if he kept them for a few days, keeping them drugged. But we’ll know more after autopsies.”

I couldn’t blink. Couldn’t breathe. A tremble started in my hands and worked its way up my arms, over my shoulders and out, making my entire body shake in fear. I knew what those women went through, but unfortunately for me, I survived it.

“Cas,” I barely managed.

Not sensing my struggle, he simply craned his neck to look over his shoulder. “Fuck,” he cursed and dropped to his knees. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, I didn’t think—” Tugging me against his chest, he pulled me across his lap, allowing me to curl into a ball on top of him.

My eyes slammed shut, not wanting to see the sympathy in his eyes. It was the one thing he hadn’t shown me during our time together, and I sure as heck didn’t want to see it now.

Should he have known his words would be a trigger? Maybe. But did I blame him? No.

“Breathe through it,” he murmured over and over into my hair. “I got you. You’re safe.” His heartbeat thundered in my ear pressed against him. I listened to the steady beat, mimicked his deep breaths, allowing both to seduce me into a calm trance. “I’m so sorry. You’re safe, Lady. Stay with me.”

The desperation in his shaking voice kept me from slipping further into my panic attack. Still, my heart raced so hard, so fast, that I just knew I was having a heart attack.

“I love you,” he barely whispered with his nose in my hair. “So fucking much.”

The memories Cas’s earlier words brought to light dissolved back into their hiding spot in the dark corners of my mind.

Loved me.

Me.

Those three little words yanked me from my downward spiral. Steady, calm breaths replaced the earlier frantic ones. My pulse still raced, but for an entirely different reason. Our skin clung together as I pulled away from his neck.

“You do?” I asked with a growing smile.

“Yeah.” He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. “I do. You make me feel….”