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From Victoria she’d taken the train out to the carehome in Oxted where her mother was living. The home was on a leafy street, with views out to the rolling green North Downs countryside.
She was led through to the sunny conservatory. It was too cold to sit outside on one of the benches – her preference – but with fairy lights and tinsel dressed over the windows, it was cheery enough.
She walked over to the wicker sofa, where her mum was taking tea. She bent over her, giving her a kiss on each cheek. ‘You look nice today,’ she said.
‘Did you bring my iced buns?’ Her mum looked up, her brown eyes lacking any recognition.
Olivia’s heart sank. She’d hoped that it would be a good day.
‘It’s me, Olivia, remember? How are you, Mum?’
Her mum grimaced.
‘I wanted to let you know that I’m taking some time off work. I think I might go on holiday – maybe even to Antarctica. Do you remember how dad always said he wanted to take us there? I could visit his final continent.’
‘It’s too dark and cold.’
Olivia laughed. ‘It’s not too dark. It’s their summertime now. And as for the cold, I’ve got lots of layers.’
Her mum shivered. ‘I don’t like the dark. It’s dark in here.’ She pulled her shawl closer around her body. ‘I want to go to my room.’
Paige – her mum’s main caregiver – scurried over. Olivia felt a tiny pang of disappointment at the way her mum lit up once she saw Paige’s face. But at least she was in good hands. ‘It’s all right, Mrs Campbell. Maybe time for a rest?’
‘Yes, dear. That sounds good.’ She stood up. Shelooked down at Olivia still sitting in the armchair, searching her face.
Olivia sat up a little straighter, sensing something in her mother’s eyes – recognition maybe?
‘You don’t look well. Can I suggest sleep and a good eye cream?’
Olivia sighed. She slumped back on the sofa.
‘Miss Campbell?’
She sat up. Paige was looking at her expectantly. ‘Yes?’
‘I couldn’t help but hear about your trip. Sounds fun.’
‘I’ll visit again as soon as I’m home …’
‘Don’t feel bad. I’m glad you visited. But you may want to see something – your mum had been excited to show you.’ Paige crooked her finger, and Olivia got up to follow her, intrigued. They walked down a long hallway, and Olivia did a double take at the art on the walls. She recognized the places depicted in the paintings. The landscapes of Scotland, the vast and gloomy mountains, the mist rising up over the lochs. And sailing scenes. Yachts gliding over choppy waters, boats lined up in busy harbours.
‘These …’ She couldn’t finish her sentence. Her eye hooked on the signature in the corner.L Campbell.Laura Campbell. Her mum.
‘She’s a talented woman. There’s even more in here,’ said Paige, gesturing towards a small room filled with canvases, some finished, some in progress.
Olivia walked around the room, rendered speechless by her mother’s skill.
One final painting caught her eye. It rested on an easel, covered by a piece of white fabric. She lifted it and took a step back, her fingers to her mouth. Sherecognized the loch in the Trossachs and the season – a wintry morning, the trees such a deep green they looked nearly black, and the grey mountains behind dotted with snow. In the water was a small sailing boat, two figures perched either side of the tiller. One in a bright pink hat. Her dad’s woolly hat, his favourite. He’d bought it for her but she refused to wear it for being too girly. So he wore it every time he went sailing after that, with or without her.
She reached out and touched the dab of pink paint. A patch of vibrancy. That’s the role her dad had played in their lives. Their bright spot. The world without him had been far more monotone.
Her mum had never spoken about those times. She’d locked those memories up tight, shutting down any mention of sailing with a fierce bark. Now she looked blank whenever Olivia mentioned his name. But here was proof that her mother still thought about him.
There was love in the way she had depicted the yachts too. Mum had always loved those holidays. Did she dream about being out on the water again? Of them working together as a family, whether that was sailing out on the loch or in some of the most magnificent ports in the world? Did she want to be out in the sun, under a big wide sky, chasing the wind?
Olivia didn’t know. But it didn’t look as if she still clung on to the same resentment that had plagued her for the past fifteen years.
In that moment, she decided she would go to Antarctica with Aaron. She was going to face the water again.