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I think on this. “That’s helping?”

“As someone well versed in self-loathing, I say yeah. That’s where he is right now. I don’t think he can accept all the blame for his choices without self-destructing. Not yet.”

“What if you’re giving me more credit than I deserve?”

“Why not try believing it for a while? It can’t hurt. You don’t have to figure everything out right now—his life, your life, mine. That’s a lot for one man to take responsibility for.”

“I’m not trying to take responsibility for yours.”

She smiles. “Yes, you are. In your way, you are. Let Anthony worry about his problems and me worry about mine and you worry about yours. And when your worries get too big, lay them on me for a while.”

“I hate when people do that. Expect other people to carry your burden?”

“I do it all the time.”

“You don’t expect me to?—”

“But you do it anyway. So let me do it for you. Lay it on me.”

I lean heavily against her. “There. It’s on you.”

She laughs. “You’re heavier than I expected.”

I slide down until my head is in her lap and close my eyes. The idea of really leaning on Ruby with all my worries when she has so much of her own life to figure out? It feels selfish. But with her warm body under me and her arms wrapped around me, it doesn’t feel impossible.

THIRTY-ONE

ruby

Bree looksover my shoulder at my grade, not that I invited her to. “Ninety? You’re moving up in life!”

“What can I say? I studied.”

“What’s with the sudden interest in your grades?”

I hesitate. How do I explain that the shame of hearing Wythe tell me I need to figure things out for myself lit a fire under my ass? “I decided I might want a job in R and D after graduation.”

“Yes, girl, you should! I hear from so many people in R and D who love their jobs. And quality assurance sounds like such a thankless fucking grind. I could never.”

“A lot of people like QA,” I say quickly. Odds are, that’s still where I end up. “And even for those that don’t, it’s a great launching point.” Or so I’ve heard.

“Yeah, no, it’s fine.” She looks at me sideways. “You know R and D is hard to break into without experience, right? You’re not even interning?”

I swallow the panic that threatens to surface. How did I let myself fall so far behind? “I need to look into it. But I’m taking Wythe’s Intro to Food Processing class in the fall, and she hinted she’d write me a letter of recommendation if I impress her.”

“She hinted?”

I don’t like the arrogant way she lifts her chin, and I look at her directly. “Yeah. She hinted. Did you and her enter into a legally binding contract for her sole letter of recommendation?”

“No,” Bree says, withering slightly under my gaze.

“Okay, so?” I shake my head. “Anyway, we’ll see what happens. She thinks R and D is a viable goal, and I’m not arguing.”

She nods enthusiastically, probably sensing I’m not in the mood to be talked down to. “Are you going to the career fair after this?” I ask.

“Of course. You’re going?”

I nod. “Spent all day yesterday working on my résumé.”