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At home, I sit at the counter and start leafing through my training materials, but I don’t really see them. My mind won’t stop showing me a close-up of his face in profile, lips slightly parted and eyes squeezed shut like he’s in pain. But that wasn’tpain. That was fantasy of the purest kind, his deepest desire playing out for only him to see. Who was he thinking of? I can’t stop wondering. Who was he seeing behind those closed eyes?

Let it be me,I think desperately.Please let it be me.

SIX

lorenzo

“I cannot believeyou have to get surgery, man.” Cash’s pouf of curly hair bobs as he shakes his head.

I glance around the busy student union, where we’re grabbing lunch. “No shit.”

“You’ll come back stronger, though,” Reeve says.

“Yeah, no. Of course.” Cash nods. “Didn’t mean that, it just sucks. Takes you out for the summer and, you know ...”

“Might end my career?” I supply.

“I don’t know, man.” He doesn’t try to deny it, which I respect. Even though what I really want is for my friends to tell me there’s no chance I won’t come back from this.

“My mom told me last night she can’t come take care of me either.” I slide the burrito bowl I haven’t touched toward Cash. The greasy smell that hangs in the air has killed my appetite. “Want this?”

He nods and accepts it. “So you have Ruby, right?”

“She said she’ll do it, but I’m thinking about telling her no.”

“Why?”

“She’s supposed to start a new job the same day as surgery.”

Reeve snorts. “That girl’s had like ten jobs this year alone.”

“I know, but she’s actually excited for this one.”

“When is she not? Ruby’s like a puppy,” Cash says fondly. I think having a twin sister gives him a soft spot for Ruby. “All you have to do is say her name and she’s excited.”

“I just don’t want to put that on her,” I say.

Cash raises a brow. “She puts it on you.”

“Maybe, but I like it that way.” Ruby does get into messes, and I don’t mind being the one who steps in and saves her.

“You’re lucky to have someone who actually wants to do this shit for you,” Cash says. “Ruby can handle a few days playing nurse. If all else fails, at least you’ll eat well.”

He’s probably right. Maybe it’s not fair to keep assuming it’s too much for her. But that’s not the only thing I’m worried about. “It might be blurring some lines, having her take care of me like a little baby.”

“No, I get it,” Reeve says. “You don’t need her seeing you like an invalid. She’s your friend, but she’s still a chick.”

Cash shakes his head. “She’s seen you puking out the back of a truck in nothing but your boxers, dude. I think she’ll handle it.”

“Why risk it?” Reeve asks. “Any of our cheerleaders would consider it their god-given duty to take care of you. Not to mention half the girls on campus with raging lady boners for you.”

“Yeah, let me ask a random girl I’ve never met sober to take care of me like a mother. Sounds like a good plan.”

“Then pick one you know. Hannah would do it,” Reeve says.

“Hannah?” I ask.

“Hayden,” Cash corrects.