Page 61

Marlo had come home a couple hours after me and she must have noticed my bruised face because she’d woken me from sleep and demanded I tell her what happened. I cried in her arms just like she’d cried in mine after being dumped at the bottom of the hill by the man who’d taken her virginity and discarded her.

Physically, the boy who had taken my virginity hadn’t hurt me, and I wasn’t crying for the pain in my face anyway. I was crying for the pain in my heart.

The minutes ticked by that weekend. I stayed holed up in my trailer, jumping at every sound, hoping against hope it was Kyland. But after that first morning, he didn’t come back, and I didn’t go to him. He had made his choice clear, and although we’d gotten closer physically, for him it hadn’t changed his resolve. In his mind, he’d already left. Somehow I understood that. And it broke my heart.

The following week and through the next weekend, I didn’t see him at all. I went to his house a couple times, but he wasn’t home—or he wasn’t answering his door.

They’d be announcing the winner of the scholarship on Monday. I tried to feel something about that, but I couldn’t. I knew what was going to happen; it was a foregone conclusion—Kyland would win it. I had purposely bombed my finals. I knew the contest was between him and me. And I knew he needed it more than I did. I understood why now. And I loved him. And other than my virginity, it was all I had to give. And I understood now that whether he deserved it or not, I would lay everything I had at his feet. I felt desperate and crazy, half out of my head with the fear of losing him forever. Grief pounded in my chest.

On Monday morning, as I walked down the road toward school, I was surprised to see Kyland waiting for me in front of his house. Despite all the hurt of the past week, the smile in my heart at seeing him made its way instantly to my face. “Hi,” I said.

He smiled at me too. “Hi. Your eye looks a lot better.” But his gaze lingered on my bruise, still slightly yellow.

“It doesn’t even hurt anymore,” I told him.

He looked at me as if he wondered if I was lying, but he didn’t say it.

“I came to your house a few times this week,” I said. “You weren’t home.” I glanced nervously at him, hoping he would say something to make me feel better—anything.

“I needed to make some money, Ten. With all the studying I’ve been doing, I’ve neglected some bills. And I have to eat.”

My heart dropped. “Kyland, we had a little extra. I could have spared some food.”

He was silent for so long, I didn’t think he’d say anything. But finally he muttered, “There’s no need. I’m fine now.”

So much unsaid between us suddenly. Another crack formed in my heart. I wasn’t sure how many cracks it could take. I didn’t want to know.

We walked in silence for a while, the morning filled with the sound of birdsong, the warm spring air caressing my face and my bare arms. The rhododendrons were in bloom—we passed by one that was so heavy with blossoms it looked like a blazing inferno of flowers. Everything in nature felt new. I inhaled deeply and smelled the mixture of fresh soil and new leaves. Maybe we could be new too. Very suddenly, the world seemed rife with possibility as the boy I loved walked solemnly next to me. Maybe we both just needed to get over ourselves, have a little hope. Plus, this was going to be a good day for him—he just didn’t know it yet. I squinted up at him. “So, big day today.”

He frowned down at me. “Yeah.” The smile disappeared from my face. He stopped in the road and turned to me. “Tenleigh, whatever happens today, I…” He ran his hand through his hair in that sexy, unsure way that he did. “It’s the way it’s meant to be, okay?”

My brows dipped. I didn’t understand exactly what that meant. “Okay.” I agreed anyway. I already knew what was going to happen today. I had made peace with it.

We walked the rest of the way mostly in silence but a pleasant enough one. I couldn’t read his mood, but I figured that was to be expected. I left him alone with his thoughts. He was probably nervous, anxious, and afraid. The last four years of his life, all the suffering, all the pain, all the work, all the sacrifice, all the hunger, it was going to come down to one moment at the school assembly we were walking into in only a few hours. I wanted to reassure him, but I didn’t. He couldn’t know what I’d done.