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“The others’ll follow,” Knox panted, more to himself than me. “They have to. They will. Gabe… Gabriel… We left him behind. We?—”
Knox’s voice cracked. He was white-knuckling the wheel. His left knee was bouncing like crazy. He was losing his shit.
“Nate.” I rested my hand on his thigh. He flinched, jerking the wheel. I screamed when we almost swerved into oncoming traffic. “Okay. Pull over, you wreck of a man.”
Knox did, and then he broke down.
CHAPTER 21
KNOX
“He’s gone. He’s gone.”
Caroline convinced me to pull over on the side of the highway. Cars rushed past, shaking the old Ford, rushing past my ears really loudly. I could barely think with the stupid, continuous whooshes.
I wanted to punch something. I wanted to punch someone. Anything. Anyone. Just to connect my already bloody knuckles with whatever would give me the most pain back.
“I know, Nate. I know.”
I was crouched by the truck bed on the other side of it, like it was some sort of shield between me and gawkers driving by. I could only imagine some snotty-nosed kid looking up from his iPad and telling his mommy to look at the weird crying biker on the side of the road!
Caroline stood beside me, her fingers threading through my hair. She was unflinching. But that was all the reassurance from her I would get. She wasn’t the type to get weepy and fumble over her words with apologies.
Gabriel would have belly laughed.
“Damn, Royal,” he would have joked. “Didn’t think you’d be the one melting down on the side of the road! You’re supposed to be the toughest son of a bitch I know—and here you are, breaking before the rest of us.”
I wasn’t breaking.
I clenched my teeth so hard it hurt like fucking hell. My head was already pounding, and I was making it worse.
Feeling everything was better than feeling nothing.
Without warning, I stood and got back in the truck. Like chivalry was dead, I let Caroline get in the passenger side without help. Once she was in, I checked oncoming traffic and decided to take a risk, cutting someone off and flooring it.
Caroline was not happy about that. She slammed both hands into my shoulder. “You fucking idiot!” she shouted into the wind that was howling and swirling into the cab from the shattered windows. “We’re trying to flee the scene, not die!”
I shot her a look over my shoulder. It shut her up immediately. She opened her mouth, but I turned away, focusing as much as I could on the road. I was reckless and stupid and idiotic, yeah, but I was still a damn good driver. I even kept a lookout for cops. Blessedly, there were none.
That was the only good news I’d get for a long time.
After a few moments, she rested her hand on my thigh. She leaned over and pressed her cheek to my shoulder.
We drove in tense silence.
Then I heard her say, “Knox, I—I want to say something. I want to say I’m?—”
“Not now.”
My voice was colder than steel, and I fucking hated myself for being so cruel to her, but I just couldn’t hear it right now. No amount of I’m sorries was going to fix any of this shit.
I just had to get us to Grant’s unscathed and wait for the rest of the Devils to join—hopefully also unscathed.
The last thing I’m gonna do is let myself fall apart before we’re safe. Gabriel would knock my teeth out if I let grief make me sloppy—or if I let him die in vain just for me to get in some kind of car wreck.
Caroline’s grip tightened. I didn’t know who it was supposed to comfort, me or her. Either way, I reluctantly let it ease just a fraction of the tension in my body. I was so coiled, I was ready to break in half.
The thirty minutes back to Reno were excruciatingly long.