Page 108

“I want him to realize that I could never kill him. That at some point, he would figure out I shot him with no intent to kill him. I hurt him, regardless, and I guess my love is not enough.”

And he punishes me by not giving me what I crave most: his love.

“You hurt yourself too.”

“Men like him open up just once,” I sigh, the sound broken, just like my heart.

As the driver brings us to midtown, I say, “We’ll continue living like this with all the secrets we keep from each other until—” I can’t say it out loud, afraid to jinx it and the end will happen sooner.

He will tire of me.

I was never good enough for him.

Why would he want to keep me? I’d be his forever if he…

Shaking my head, I look outside the window, this bout of nostalgia dampening my high over my win.

“Love sucks,” Dahlia murmurs.

“It does.” There’s no point denying it.

“Be patient with him. He’ll see.” She smiles, placing her hand on top of mine and giving it a little squeeze. “You look at him as if he’s the only one for you. You brighten up every time he’s near. And when you stay home, you’re restless until he returns.”

As I settled in, I paved my path into the family. While I am his guard, I have tapped also into training his men and his sister, feeling more like myself. I was never a foot soldier because I am also his woman, even though he refuses to acknowledge it. I like my life exactly how it is. After years of wandering lost, I’ve found my place.

“How long do you think we need to spend it all?” she asks, changing the subject.

“In the right shop, a few minutes,” I say and we both giggle.

The driver parks, opening the door for us.

This high-end boutique is my favorite. It was the shop Enzo brought me to when everything was right between us. I wonder, and not for the first time, what happened to the stuff he bought me. Most surely, he set them all on fire.

When the sales staff sees us, they flash big smiles. We’re regulars, coming here once a week. Dahlia doesn’t have a limit and we’re both big spenders, VIP customers.

“My treat,” I say, and for the next hour we try on dresses and shoes.

The driver picks up another set of bags and carries them to the car while I peruse the lingerie department. Wanting Enzo to lose his mind, I select five different items, then I follow Dalia to the purse section. She has an entire luxury bag collection, but her eyes sparkle at the newest model.

“Why don’t you buy it?” I ask her.

“I’ll receive it as a gift. Mika thinks he’ll get redemption for it, and I let him.” The sadness in her voice is so heartbreaking that I hug her, offering her my silent support.

“So, it’s solely platonic?”

I am very protective of her even if she’s not fragile, like Enzo and Mikail believe. She just plays along so they can feel better about thinking they let her down then. But I don’t think someone so sunshiny like her should be with a grump and the Pakhan—he’s a butcher in tailor-made suits. Not that I am anyone to judge.

“If it were up to him, yeah… I am the constant reminder of his biggest regret.”

Her eyes are lighter, everything is fairer, softer even though she and Enzo share similar physical traits. Their personalities are from two different worlds.

We spend the next hours at a spa getting a mani and pedi, a facial, a massage, and a blowout. Nothing compares to a day of getting pampered.

It’s dark by the time we return. We’ve never stayed out this long, but I am sure Tomaso informed Enzo of our whereabouts, and he can track me. I know he will be in a mood already.

The driver brings me home first and I wait for him to carry everything into the house. Hugging and kissing her cheek, I say, “See you tomorrow.”

She nods enthusiastically. We switch days between her physical training, her practicing the piano, and lounging by the pool or going out.