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Although Mom’s and my relationship for sure isn’t smooth, I never thought of it asabusive. There are so many forms of Asian-parent tough love, where parents say and do mean things only because they want the best for us. Is all of that “tough love” abusive? What distinguishes tough-love parenting from abuse? After all, Mom did say she’s afraid of what other people might say about me. Even though sheismostly afraid that people might think she’s a bad parent, isn’t the fact that she’s worried about me a good thing?

Even as I think all this, the sick feeling in my stomach after hearing Lana’s words tells me some part of me knows she’s right.

“If you don’t feel comfortable stripping and going into the water with us, that’s totally fine,” Lana adds as she pulls away. “You can just join us upstairs for the saunas.”

It’s tempting, but I know that if I chicken out now, I’ll never get over this.

“It’s okay,” I say. “Just give me a moment and I’ll come join you guys.”

Tiffany puts a hand on my shoulder. “Are you sure?”

I give her a small nod. “I’m sure.”

After Tiffany and Lana leave, I slowly reach down to my dress and lift it over my head. I stare at my own reflection in the mirror beside my locker.

“You are beautiful,” I whisper to myself. “Don’t let anyone, not even yourself, tell you any different.”

I take a deep breath and let myself have the time I need to process things. It’s quiet in our corner of the locker room, and now, without Lana and Tiffany, I can finally gather my thoughts and feelings about being here without any outside influences.

Am I really comfortable with all this?I ask myself.Or am I being forced to do something I don’t want to do?

Slowly but steadily, I decide I want to be here. Sure, going to the Korean spa seemed like a horrible idea at first, but maybe I really do owe it to myself to have a fun time at the spa with my friends. I’ve worked so hard for the last couple of months. Don’t I deserve a spa day as much as a thin person?

Part of me also wants to replace all those bad memories of being here with Mom with happy ones. Even though that’s probably notexactlyhow people’s brains work, I figure it’s better than just having negative memories rolling around in my brain all the time.

Hopefully it’ll be fun, I think.

When I finally come out, Lana tackles me into a big hug.

“Yay, let’s go!” she exclaims. “Spa time!”

Tiffany, who’s apparently the designated towel person, wavesour three white bath towels enthusiastically.

And that’s it. Neither Lana nor Tiffany mention what happened earlier again.

The bathhouse part of the spa is built like one of the traditional bathhouses in Korea, with waters of various temperatures and scents. Some waters have herbal health benefits—there’s even a green tea bath—while others are just regular water. After a quick shower, we jump into each one, giggling and thoroughly enjoying ourselves.

All the while, we laugh and talk about the competition, our schools, our friends, basically anything and everything.

“Now that I’m out of the competition, the entirety of my hopes and dreams lies with you, Lana,” jokes Tiffany.

“Wow, so much pressure!” Lana says. “What about Skye? She’s still in this too.”

“Fine,” Tiffany concedes. “You too, Skye. Seriously, if neither of you win, I’m going to give Park Tae-Suk a good talking-to.”

“I’m honestly looking forward to the day that happens,” I say. “Can you get Bora while you’re at it?”

“Oh, believe me. Bora’s been on my list from Day One.”

We all laugh, and bit by bit, I find myself loosening up in the gentle, therapeutic heat of the water. By the time we leave the bathing area, I feel so at ease that I don’t even care about the women who stare at us as we walk by.

“Let’s go up to the jjimjilbang level,” says Tiffany. “Hopefully Henry is still alive.”

It’s only then that I remember we left Henry and Steve tofend for themselves in the men’s section of the spa.

“Oh, shoot.” I quickly open my locker and fish out my phone to find that I have four texts from Henry.

Okay, so, I didn’t get ambushed in the men’s locker room. That’s always good.