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“You are. You always have been, and you’ll never stop. You might as well accept that.”
“That’s harsh.”
“But true. As for your argument, I’m not surprised at the way it unfolded. I’m especially not surprised by his reaction.”
He isn’t? “Why?”
“Because it proves my theory.”
“It does not. You said he’d lose his mind. He didn’t.”
“If you and I turn up the heat on our ‘relationship,’ he will. Give him time.”
“I don’t understand.” Trying to comprehend this conversation is like trying to untangle some crazy mental Jenga.
“I’m telling you, he cares for you more than he lets on.”
More than platonically? That’s Vance’s intimation. My heart flutters at the thought. I thought I gave up this feeling and shut away my heart a long time ago. Why can’t I control it now, the way I did then?
“He can’t. He shouldn’t.” If Vance is right, my brother will lose his shit.
“But he does,” he insists. “Did you and Jake talk any this morning?”
“No. I left for work early.” I did that mainly to avoid any awkwardness. I couldn’t face Jake. In my head, untangling whatever’s going on between us was a future-me problem. Unfortunately, the future is here, and present-me doesn’t appreciate my procrastination. Crap.
“Are you heading home soon?”
“In a few minutes. Why?” I can’t hide in my office forever. Sadly, office policy prohibits staying here overnight.
“Go home and watch what he does. Study the way he interacts with you. And if it feels right to be around him, don’t fight it. If you do, you’ll regret it.”
“What makes you think that?”
“Because I lost someone I cared about once, and I never got the chance to tell her how I felt. By the time I found the courage, it was too late.”
“I’m sorry. But I’m not you, Vance.”
“Nope, and I don’t want you to be. I’m just saying that I’m on your side.”
My urge to run from my growing feelings for Jake is there. But along with that urge comes another. This one insists I stay and embrace what could be a fantasy fulfilled. The feelings Ithought I squashed long ago are blooming again, and I don’t know how to control it.
“I’m grateful for your advice, but I’m sure you didn’t call to hear me go on and on about my problems.”
“Well, I called to check on you, but also to thank you. Josie and I are having dinner tonight.”
I just texted Vance Josie’s phone number this morning. He works fast.
“It was the least I could do.” Especially when he’s given me so much food for thought. “Enjoy your date. Oh, she likes the color pink.”
“Good to know because I got her pink roses.”
Smart man. “Have fun. Enjoy your night. Bye!”
“Bye.” He hangs up.
And I’m left with my thoughts.
As I gather my stuff to leave the office, I continue my thoughts where I left off. The more I’m around Jake, the more I wrestle with my inner turmoil. Do I let go of my fears and tell him how I feel? Should I let myself hope he feels the same way about me? Or would I be better off keeping my feelings to myself?