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“Good to know you,” I replied.

The other attendees made their way to the exit, stopping at the folding table against the back wall to polish off the donuts and coffee. I joined them and grabbed a Styrofoam cup from a stack beside the scuffed metal airpot.

Travis crowded in behind me and stood silently while I pumped decaf into the cup, then threw it back like a shot of liquor. I swished the lukewarm brew in my mouth to wash the pill’s residue off my tongue, then spat it back into the cup. WhenI turned to toss the expelled coffee into the nearby trashcan, Travis’s pudgy form blocked my path.

He smiled as awkwardly as before, then gave me an appraising once-over.

“You’re cute,” he blurted. His face went crayon red.

I glanced at my outfit. Besides the pants and suspenders, I was marginally covered with a cropped babydoll tee the same deep plum color as my hair, and my toes sparkled purple where they peeked between the straps of a pair of stiletto heels.

While the other man looked so abashed he might have shriveled inside his skin, I cocked my hip forward in a coquettish pose.

“Thanks, Travis,” I said. “Always nice to meet a fan.”

He stayed in place while I wove around him, discarding the backwashed coffee and heading for the open door. I made it out of the room and down the hall to the entrance of the community center, which let out onto a brightly lit street.

I thought I’d left my not-so-secret admirer behind until I heard his footsteps scuffling in pursuit of my heels clicking on first the linoleum, then the pavement outside.

On the sidewalk, Travis came alongside me. He cleared his throat and tugged at the collar of his shirt in a familiar, nervous gesture.

“Hey,” he began after we’d traveled a short distance. “Do you have plans tonight? I could walk you somewhere, or we could get something to eat?”

I paused.

Lucky for Travis, I had a certain fondness for bashful boys. Plus, I loved to eat and calling me cute was as good an opening bid as any. But his luck ran out when it came to comparisons because I was hung up on a long-legged, long-haired, olive-skinned deity to whom teddy bear Travis didn’t hold a candle.

With a lung-swelling breath, I swiveled to face him. “Sorry, but I’m all booked up. Got a hot date with an existential crisis.”

I didn’t owe Travis an explanation for my comings or goings, and I didn’t go to NA meetings to make friends. It seemed like a bad idea, anyway, buddying up to people with the same habits and vices you have. Like the blind leading the blind.

I tugged on my suspender strap again, ready to add another red mark beside the one welting on my stomach. Rather than set it free, I cocked my head at the plump man.

“Gonna wander around Central Park till I find someone more washed up than I am,” I continued. “Makes me feel better about myself.”

My smile had faltered, and Travis’s was long gone, if it had ever been there at all. He was probably starting to regret talking to me about now. I wasn’t the best company lately.

Rather than take the easy out, Travis surprised me by offering once more. “You sure I can’t walk with you? It’s getting late.”

At 5’6” and a whopping 125 pounds, I made for easy pickings for ne’er do wells who lurked in the city after dark. Travis presented a much more foreboding figure. Heavier, at least. Harder to pick up and carry off.

But agreeing to his company would give the wrong idea. I was wholly off the market, and it wouldn’t be kind to waste his time.

I shook my head. “Thanks for looking out, but I prefer to wallow in private.”

Travis’s face fell, and his gaze dropped along with it.

“You’re cute, too, though,” I added. A small consolation. “You’ll make a twink real happy someday. Just not this one.”

He huffed a laugh and nodded before turning to depart. “Have a good night, Indy. Be safe out there.”

I watched as he shuffled down the sidewalk and hailed a cab. When the yellow car pulled away from the curb to rejointhe endless stream of traffic, I faced forward once more. Central Park was only a few blocks away, and the Ecstasy was starting to kick in.

The constant buzz of my thoughts was quieting, and the lights and colors on the buildings lining the street seemed to brighten, streaking into the sky like shooting stars.

I walked and tried not to think about anything, especially not how if one pill was good, two was better. Sully would be asleep by the time I got back to the apartment and would never know if I sat up half the night staring across the city and flipping through memories like images in an old View-Master toy.

The chill of night pricked my bare skin, and I wished I’d brought something to cover up with. I didn’t own much in the way of winter wear despite Brooklyn’s brutal lows during the latter part of the year, but I’d rescued a few sweaters from the plastic totes that had been in the back of Loren’s truck. I bundled up in those at night, wrapping my arms around myself and pretending I was held. Warm and safe.