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“This isn’t the guest room,” he said.

“I’ll show you where it is,” she said, but neither of them moved.

It wasn’t that she wanted to sleep with him.

But his warm presence in the bed next to her just felt so familiar.

He took her hand and held it between both of his. “Are you going to make me beg for you?”

She considered this, looking at the ceiling. “It’s not about begging,” she said.

“I know,” he replied. “I’m sorry. This is just…” He trailed off. “Terrifying.”

“For me too,” she said.

“Can I hold you?”

She considered it. Aly would definitely freak out if she saw them cuddling in bed. But Lola needed to be held. She and Justin had a history. And an ending that was somewhat unresolved. This could be part of the work of resolving it.

She nodded. He curled around her.

She felt his hot breath on her neck. She had the sense that she could disappear into him, that if he just held on tightly enough, she would go up in a puff of smoke. It didn’t sound so bad.

Justin seemed to want everything to go back to how it was, which, for Lola, would mean a return to influencing—if that was even possible, given how it had all fallen apart. Still, it stood in stark contrast to what Aly wanted her to do, which seemed to be give up influencing entirely and do something with more purpose, or at least do something with a purpose that Aly believed in. Either way, they bothwantedsomething from her, wanted her to be someone who she wasn’t sure she was.

And how could she possibly know who she was with both of them pulling at her like this?

“I can feel your heart pounding,” Justin said.

“This is just a lot,” Lola whispered. “You, in this bed.”

“I’ll go to the other guest room,” he said, untangling himself from her. “I’m assuming it’s down the hall?”

“Yeah.” She nodded. “Second door on the left.”

“Okay, Lola,” he said. She didn’t move to watch him go. Instead, she lay there, holding her breath until she heard the bedroom door open and close, followed by his footsteps down the hall.

She exhaled, relieved that he was gone even though she missed his warmth.

She tried to concentrate on her breathing instead of her spiral. Inhales and exhales. Inhales and exhales. Gradually, her heart rate slowed.

She fell asleep like that.

Chapter 14

Lola was awake, but she didn’t want to be.

She was wrapped like a burrito in the soft, warm linen sheets, a cool breeze from the open window tickling her one exposed foot. She felt cloudy with sleep, as though she’d been in a coma for a hundred years. Her temples throbbed. For a few minutes, she didn’t even open her eyes, just nestled deeper into her cocoon.

She heard sounds from the kitchen below—heavy footsteps, then the sink running and dishes clattering. Someone was cleaning.

She stretched an arm out.

It landed on an empty pillow. That didn’t feel right.

Her eyes flew open.

The events of the night before came rushing back.