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But the physical pain was nice actually, because it kept me from thinking or feeling anything else.

In my exhausted state, I kept forgetting that Max was gone every few minutes. My mind would blank out – maybe I fell asleep for a few seconds at a time – and then suddenly, I would think, “I have to get back to Max and Stella and make sure they are safe.”

And then I’d see him getting torn up again, and I’d open my eyes, and tears were already falling, and I could hardly breathe.

I wanted to squeeze Boden tighter, to hang onto the one person I still had, but my arms wouldn’t work. So I cried into his shirt and didn’t know how to make my brain function without the constant refrain of “keep your brother safe.”

Boden parked the ATV next to the truck on the banks of the river. The Barbarabelle was anchored outin the middle, and the raft was tied to it, so we’d have to swim.

He had to help me off the ATV, and I wondered if I had ever felt more weak. Like all the energy and life had been drained from me, and I was nothing but a dry husk.

“Dammit,” Boden muttered, and I didn’t know why until I looked over and saw Serg in a pile of dead zombies.

“Serg didn’t make it either?” I asked emptily.

My knees suddenly buckled, and I collapsed in the grass.

“Come on, Remy. It’s a quick swim to the boat, and then we’ll be somewhere safe where we can breathe and lick our wounds.”

“No,” I said because I didn’t have the strength to move or feel anymore. “Go on without me.”

“Ah, hell, Remy, you can’t give up now, not when we’re so close.”

He bent down and grabbed me beneath my arms, and he yanked me up to my feet. When I was finally standing on my own, he bent down slightly so we were eye level.

“Listen to me, please,” he said. “I know you’ve just been through absolute hell, but you have survived everything that’s happened to you until now, and you will survive this, too.”

“What if I don’t want to survive this?” I asked, and my voice cracked.

“I mean this in the kindest way, but I don’t give a fuck. Ineedyou to survive, and Stellareallyneeds us both,” he said. “We all lost Max and Serg and our homes. But we need to help each other get through this, sononeof us are allowed to give up.”

“I really don’t know if I can swim now,” I told him quietly.

“That’s why you have me and the cat.”

The water was frigid, but after the initial painful shock, it was kinda nice because it numbed all the aches and pains. Ripley walked beside me, as if she knew I needed her, and I looped my fingers through her collar. Boden swam beside me, and I slung my arm around the lion, and she easily pulled me along.

Once we made our way on the boat, we found Lazlo, Eden, and baby Rafaella in the lobby. Already, our teeth were chattering, and Boden was worried about hypothermia, so we only briefly talked as we were passing through.

Lazlo stood up and came toward me, like he meant to hug me, but I didn’t have it in me then. By the look on his face, I assumed he’d heard about Max, and I wanted to talk about that even less.

The baby was doing well, but Stella hadn’t been seen since she led the zombies away. I didn’t know where she intended to take them, but “far, far away from people” meant she’d be gone for at least several hours.

“We’d like to get the boat up and running so we can head down the river, away from all this. But we need help,” Lazlo said as Boden, Ripley, and I made our way toward the stairs. “You both need time to rest up and clean and get warm. But let us know when you can show us more about the boat.”

“I will, thanks,” Boden replied, and his arm around my waist was keeping me upright and moving as we ascended the stairs. “And let us know when Stella returns, or if you need help with the baby.”

“I will, but I think we’ll be alright for a while,” Eden assured him warmly.

Boden ushered me down to Room 237 again, and it was just as we left it, with a rumpled blanket and the robe on the floor. Ripley went out to the balcony to dry off in the sun, and Boden slowly helped me undress before doing the same himself.

Once we were both naked, he turned on the shower, and we got in it together. The water was probably only slightly warm from the tanks it was stored in, but on my icy skin, it felt wonderfully hot.

I could barely lift my arms anymore, so Boden took my hair down and washed it of all the blood and dirt. He washed both of us without complaint.

When he was finished, I leaned against him, crying into his bare chest, and he cried with me as the warm water poured over us.

“I would stay here with you forever, but I should show the others how to work the steamboat,” he said, his voice rumbling as he held me. “And I want to check on Rafaella.”