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“She’s had some medical trauma,” Boden said, trying to explain away my anger, and he moved so his shoulder was slightly in front of me, putting himself between me and Vaughn.

“I understand that this isn’t about me,” I said, meeting Vaughn’s intense gaze. His eyes seemed to bulge a little, and his cheeks were sallow. “But it should be obvious to anyone with half a brain that bringing zombies into a human safe haven is going to end badly.”

“Your complaints are duly noted, and you are free to move on if you no longer feel safe under my protection,” Vaughn replied, and he turned back to thesnowmobile. “Oh, and you are so very welcome for the rescue.”

“We didn’t need to be rescued,”I muttered, but I knew there was no point in arguing. The mayor had made up his mind, and I wouldn’t be able to change it.

42

Stella

I sang to Fae in the mornings, because that’s when I felt the happiest. I’d eaten as much as I could in the night, and I had breakfast of goat milk and eggs and biscuits with cloudberry preserves. So it was as close to content as I felt all day, nursing my daughter in the warm morning light.

My favorites were “All Apologies” and the lullaby that Max’s mother and Remy used to sing. Boden and Max had both written down the lyrics, with Max writing the lullaby phonetically since he didn't know French or how to spell it.

This morning, though, I didn’t feel my usual relative serenity. Maybe it was because Boden had left to help get Remy home. Maybe it was because he’d interrupted my midnight snack last night, so I hadn’t gotten my usual fill. Maybe it was because I was trying to raise a newborn in a world overrun by zombies.

Likely it was all of the above. But whatever it was, I felt ill at ease while I was singing to Rafaella, and I didn’t like it.

“It looks like Fae is asleep,” Max said. He was leaning against the doorframe to our room with a pensive expression, so I knew that he knew that something was wrong. “Why don’t you let me hold her so you can nap, or you can put her down and we could do something together?”

“What is it that you see?” I asked, tilting my head at him. “When you look at me?”

He straightened up, startled by the question. “I see…” He cleared his throat. “I see the most beautiful person I have ever known, inside and out. In a more specific sense, I see a very lovely and very tired young woman, who still gives so much of herself even when she has nothing left to give.

“I see my best friend, the love of my life, and my other half, in the most literal sense.” He walked over and crouched before me, putting a hand on my knee. “And I also see that you’re scared and struggling, and I want to help you. Not just because I love you, but simply because you need it.”

“But why?” I asked with tears welling in my eyes. “I love you, and I love Fae, and I’ve always wanted to have babies with you. We were so happy before, and life wasn’t easy then. So why is this so hard? Why am I struggling so much?”

“I don’t know,” Max admitted sadly. “Life is unfair, because you haven’t done anything wrong. I know how hard you’re trying and how much you love us.”

“So what should I do?” I asked.

“Let me take care of the baby, and you go take a shower,” he said. “I’ll make a snack and tea, so you can eat when you get out.”

“Do we still have venison?” I asked. “And honey?

“Uh, sure. Deer meat and honey. I can get that ready for you.”

“I mean honey for the tea, and rare for the meat,” I clarified.

“Right. Yes. I will do that.”

He was offering me a lifeline, and I had no choice but to take it. I handed him our baby, and I went to the bathroom for a long shower.

I closed my eyes and tried not to think of anythingat all, but it was so hard to do. Even before I’d had Fae and voices came to me in the night, I struggled to silence my mind. My thoughts never seemed to stop.

But I needed to rest and relax, so I was determined to try as I sunk lower in the hot water.

My eyes had only been closed for a minute, with my thoughts drifting to Max and the baby. But that was quickly shattered by the sound of a zombie screaming.

I clamped my hands over my ears, but it didn’t help because the sound was coming from inside my head. It was so loud and powerful, it felt like my skull would split, and I almost hoped it would so it would release all the pressure.

My eyes were squeezed shut, and I was overtaken with a vision. The zombie child from my nightmares appeared, standing in a pool of sticky red blood. He didn’t move or speak, but I could feel his fear and hunger radiating off him in waves. His terror and anguish clenched my heart, and his hunger rolled my stomach.

And then there was a word, single and clear:Help.

“Stella?” Max knocked on the bathroom door. “Are you okay? I thought I heard you moaning.”