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Because he’s not stupid and he knows me.

“When I ran up to you,” he said slowly.“You said to hurry because you’d just summoned a god.Not that you’d caused a distraction.”

Yeah, that was...inconvenient.“Well, it was a possible outcome—”

“Cassie!”

“I was angry, all right?”I said, looking into those clear green eyes and breaking because I didn’t like lying, especially to him.He was another good man in a sea of terrible ones, and I owed him more than that.I owed him everything.“And I didn’t expect three of them.But itworked—”

“This time!What about the next?What about—”

“I don’t know, any more than you do!”I said, because if he wanted honesty, what about some goddamned honesty?“Not here, not anymore!The world’s upside down, and the bastards who put it that way are running things.Did you see them?Did you see how they were laughing about what they did to Caleb and Jonas and—did yousee?”

“I saw.”His jaw was tight.“You wanted to hurt them.I know; I felt the same.”

“You felt—” I was surprised; I don’t know why.Maybe because, despite his well-known temper, his face had been expressionless watching Caleb being trundled down that road.If he’d felt anything, it hadn’t shown.

Well, except for taking off after him without a word, I thought dryly.

I swallowed.“I’m sorry.I shouldn’t have—” summoned gods to rip through my enemies and stuff them down their gory maws “—done that.But we were running out of time and everyone was looking at me, and—it was all I could think of.”

Pritkin also just looked at me because he wasn’t buying it.

“I’m not a strategist!”I said angrily.“I’ve gotten this far by instinct and luck and having people at my side to help me.But you were gone, and Caleb—I couldn’t leave him there.He’s my friend, too!”

“We both should have left him,” Pritkin said flatly.“He isn’t the priority here, and if we succeed, none of this will have happened to him or any of the rest.And if we fail…”

Nothing will matter because who wants to live like this?

He didn’t finish the sentence, but it hung in the air between us, nonetheless.

“But I forgot that,” he said after a pause.“And left you alone, and I’m sorry.”He rubbed a hand over his face, smearing the mud around.“I’m sorry for a lot of things.”

“You haven’t done anything wrong,” I put a hand on his arm.“You got us out of there.”

“Yes, I seem to be good at that after landing you in it to begin with!”It was savage.

“You didn’t do anything wrong either time,” I said more forcefully.“I’m not a child, Pritkin.I make my own decisions—and my own mistakes.”

“But you can’t make them here.Neither of us can.And the fact that we somehow got away with it this time doesn’t change that.”

“I know.”

“Do you?”He tilted my chin up, searching my eyes.He didn’t seem to like what he saw.“You can’t shove it all down, the pain, the stress, the fatigue, and terror, pretending that none of it matters until it starts coming out in different ways.”

“I don’t do that—”

“Youalwaysdo that.And sometimes, you make it work.But you’re not handling this.And the way it’s manifesting is putting you in danger.What if, next time, you get into a situation you can’t get out of?”

I pulled away, feeling guilty and annoyed and proud—because ithadworked, however badly—and pissed off because he still didn’t get it.

“What exactly do you think would change?”I demanded.“I’m not Pythia anymore.I don’t have the power.Making me no more important in this than you or Alphonse or Bodil—maybe less than Bodil as we wouldn’t be here if not for her—”

“Or for you.”Suddenly, the anger drained away, leaving him looking strangely hollowed out and almost...vulnerable.“Or for you,” he repeated and pulled me close, heedless of the fact that we were both still filthy.

It was a surprise because I was hyped up for a fight he was no longer giving me, but for some reason, I felt myself relaxing for the first time in days.My hands tightened on him reflexively and then refused to let go even when I told them to.I didn’t want to fight, but I needed to, or else this same thing would keep happening.

“You can’t prioritize me,” I said softly.“If Zara had killed me in that duel, you would have died, too.You didn’t sever the link like I asked you to.”