Page 100

“I didn’t pay much attention to Tony’s prize fighters—”

“Well, luckily, I did.And good old Eddie had to fight ‘cause Tony wanted him to take a dive in this other bout that the fat man was gonna make bank on in a couple weeks, betting on his opponent.And Eddie didn’t get to that fight if he didn’t win this one.So, hehadto win—there was no other choice.And here’s the thing—he did.”

“He won?”the little ghost gasped.

“Sure did.It turned out that the ritual was just a thing he always did ‘cause back when he first started fighting, he’d done it once and then gone on to win a match he hadn’t thought he would.And he’d kept it up ever since, even though he didn’t need it anymore.Even though he’d grown past that nervous kid a long time ago and was now the saltiest of salty dogs.Like a certain someone who went toe to toe with Zeus and left him scurrying away with his tail between his legs—”

“I thought I wasn’t Artemis,” I said sourly.

“You’re not.But you’re not this, either,” he said.“Cowering in the seat of...whatever that thing is...and sobbing your heart out—”

“I get it, okay.”

“—afraid of those bastards in there whentheyshould be afraid ofyou—”

“I’m not afraid of them—”

“Uh-huh.Which is why you were doing what?Coming out here so we could talk privately?I’m aghost.We can talk anywhere.You were thinking of leaving; don’t tell me you weren’t—”

“Why would I tell you anything when you already know everything?”

“Oh, sarcasm,” he smirked.“Nice.But it’s not gonna work.Not with me—”

“So what if I was?”I said, fed up.Why had I ever missed this guy?“What if leaving is the best thing I could do for them?”

“Right, ‘cause they’re going to handle this without you—”

“Better than me leading them off a cliff!”

“Don’t be so dramatic,” he said, and then he finally noticed that I was trembling.Because, sure, I’d been talking a good game, first to Pritkin and then to Æsubrand, but it was all bullshit.I had no game, no plan, no nothing.I’d been out here because I couldn’t be there, with everybody looking at me like I was the solution to all their ills when I was part of the damned disease!

Or I might be, given half a chance.

I looked at Hansen, or what was left of him, and my entire soul cringed.That was what we were, I thought.That was what we did, what I had done to those gods, only I hadn’t stopped short.

Would they have looked like him if I had, doomed to go through life with no resemblance to what they’d once been?Or as mad as that old ghost I’d seen in town, who had probably starved to death in the aftermath of the gods’ wrath and, even now, was looking for scraps of food he could no longer eat?I shuddered all over, and suddenly, Billy got it.

I heard when he put it together and exhaled in that particular way he had when something finally made sense.He’d always read me better than anyone, and I’d never been able to lie to him.Not even when I wanted to.

“We’re too much alike,” he said, his expression softening as if I’d said that last out loud, and maybe I had.Who knew anymore?“Two losers trying to make a difference and failing most of the time.But not all of the time.Not when it matters.

“When it matters, we do okay.”

“Do we?”I had been staring fixedly at the ground, but now I looked up at him and knew it was all over my face, whatever mix of emotions I was feeling: fear, anger, desperation, and a deep-seated insecurity that had never entirely gone away.And had recently been dredged up by the fact that I could literally turn into one of the monsters we were fighting at a moment’s notice.

“You’re not scared of them,” Billy said, his voice soft.“You’re scared of you.”

“Shouldn’t I be?”I said angrily, wiping my damned eyes on the sleeve of my coat.And managing to drag a piece of the ludicrous fringe across my eyeball.Goddamnit!“I told you what happened, and Pritkin’s demon won’t help!”

“Yeah, fuck him.”

“And on my own, I can’t—”

“You’ll be fine.”

“Let me get a word in edgewise!”I snarled, and he held up his hands in his you’re-being-unreasonable-but-I’m-indulging-you gesture that wasnotone of his more endearing traits.“How the hell do you know I’ll be fine?How do you knowanything?”

“I know you,” he said simply.“You were caught off guard before, and it’s like a drug—trust me, I know.Ghosts live off of life energy, too; hell, everything lives off of life energy, that’s why it’s called that.But when you get hit with a big bunch of it, all at once...It’s heady stuff.It can mess with you for a while.