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The kid’s face pales. He shakes his head back and forth. “No, she wasn’t supposed to drink it.”

“But she did,” I remind him. I tug him over towards the window. I’ve been looking for a way to get my fucking anger out. Maybe this is it. I need it. I need the violence. Except this is like taking candy from a baby. The fucker isn’t going to put up much of a fight.

“Please, Connor, man, you don’t have to do this. I won’t say shit,” he tells me.

“Mmm, yeah, I think I do. I don’t take risks or leave loose ends.” I pick him up and push his top half out the window. Whenhe starts to scream, I let go, shoving him all the way out. It only takes seconds for his body to hit the ground.

I once told Aurora she wasn’t crazy for enjoying the kill. I wasn’t lying. Because I feel it too, a rush like no other.

I jog back downstairs and stop at my locker, which is currently on fire. Students gather around, no one doing a thing to put out the flames. When I glance over a shoulder, I see her. Aurora, leaning against the opposite side of the hallway with a smirk on her face. Tilting my head, I fight my own smile.

Is that the best she’s got?I’m disappointed. She’s better than this.

I walk over, ignoring her as I look to Dante. “I finished your job for you, by the way. You’re welcome.” Just as the words are out of my mouth, an ear-piercing scream comes from outside the building.

Guess someone found Ian.

I storm out and head straight for my car. I’m not sticking around. I need to go home and I need to find some whiskey. Drink myself stupid until I can sleep.

A quick drive later, I walk in on my father holding a meeting in the dining room. “Son, you’re just on time.” He waves me forward.

“Da? What’s going on?” I ask him.

“We’re hitting the Italians again tonight. The Valentinos have a shipment coming in. We’re going to intercept it,” he says.

This makes me smile. “I’ll help.”

I pull out a chair. They don’t question me, thank god. I’ve distanced myself from the family business as much as I could since we moved to New York. Maybe it’s time to jump back in.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Nothing says love like throwing someone out a four-story building for you. I mean, Connor might not admit it—the love part that is—but he did tell Dante he finished the job for him. And minutes later, Ian’s body was discovered splattered on the concrete.

The same fucker who gave Krystal the laced cup of beer that she then gave to me. Dante and Orlando worked him over, butwe try not to commit murder at school. It leads to too many questions.

Why would Connor do that? And why would he then tell Dante it was him?

There is only one answer to both. Love. Connor O’Malley still loves me. He also hates me. Which is fine. I hate me for what I did, so I can’t expect him not to.

But love? That’s what I’m choosing to focus on. Especially now, when doubt starts creeping into my mind, Connor’s words telling meI need helpand thatI’m crazyplaying back on repeat. It’s my one major insecurity. It’s always been the joke ornot jokein the family that I’m the crazy one.

I’ve worked hard to not let it get to me, to continue being myself no matter how crazy I might become. Authentic crazy is better than fake sane, right? At least that’s what I’ve always told myself.

I do things on instinct, which has always worked out well for me. Until Kenny. I can’t even really blame the drugs, because my hands still stabbed him. I killed him. I don’t know how I’m going to get Connor back or find a way for us to be together. But I’m not going to give up.

I don’t expect him to forgive me. I wouldn’t forgive me. But there has to be a way for us to get past this. I refuse to believe otherwise. And honestly, after his grand gesture with Ian, no amount of hateful words that come out of his mouth will make me believe that he hates me more than he loves me.

It’s that belief that is keeping me from completely falling apart. Also, the fact that I can see he’s just as miserable as I am. How do I know that? I might have bribed Dante to hack into his house’s CCTV system. The O’Malleys are a paranoid bunch. They have cameras everywhere.

I’ve been watching for a few days. Every chance I get, I park one street over and just sit here. Scrolling through the feed. It’storture, because I want to touch him. I want to reach out to him. I want him to reach for me like he used to.

Connor is asleep. I’ve been watching for a few hours, just to make sure he’s completely out of it. Over the last few days, I’ve scoped out the security, and I’m pretty confident I can get in and out without being noticed.

Picking up my bag, I slip from my seat, quietly close the door, and walk around the corner. Connor’s house is just three lots down. But I’m not going in through the front. Because that would be stupid. I’m going in through the back. I’ve seen a window that I’m thinking leads into the basement.

Pulling up the camera feed, I check the backyard. I know that the guards walk the property line, and in about two minutes, they’ll move to the front, giving me four minutes to run through the yard and break into that window.

This is a lot of effort. He better appreciate what I’m doing for us.