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Who did it?

I know I’m a fucking ass. I should just leave her alone. I should break things off, because we’re never going to be able to be together.

SB:

No idea, but they’ll find out. They always do.

Me:

I’ll meet you in the library. We’ll go from there.

Guilt eats at my chest as I listen to Aurora talk about her family. She hasn’t said much about the attacks, just that they existed. She’s smart not to tell me anything I could take back to my dad.

I’m also not asking her questions. I don’t want to know. All I want to do is forget what I did and move on. We’re laid out on a picnic blanket under a huge-ass tree in the park. Aurora’s head resting on my shoulder, my fingers mindlessly twirling in her hair.

“Do you think we’re ever going to be more than a secret?” she says.

“Do you want to be more?”

“I don’t know.”

“I think we will be whatever we want to be. No one can stop us, Aurora. I won’t let them.” As I say the words, my parents’ faces pop into my head. I don’t know if I can stop them, but I will go down trying. I won’t let go of her, not until I’m dead.

“We can’t take on armies alone, Connor. That’s suicide.” She sighs.

“Maybe, but what’s worse? A lifetime watching each other from a distance? Getting married and having kids with other people? Building a life without each other?” I ask her. Becauseeven though we’re young and I know it’s fast, I don’t want to see her with another fucking guy.

“I would rather watch you live a life without me than watch you die,” Aurora whispers.

“I’d rather die together,” I admit.

“Well, that’s… an idea.” She laughs.

“We could always just run away,” I suggest.

“I can’t leave my family, and you can’t leave yours. Besides, mine would find me for sure.” She sighs again. “My family isn’t bad, Connor. They aren’t bad people. I can’t break their hearts by doing something selfish.”

I close my eyes, realization hitting me hard. Aurora will never choose us over her family. She will never choose me. “Maybe we just keep being a secret for a bit longer, then. We don’t have to know all the answers right now.”

“Yeah,” she says, her voice soft.

I look up at the sky through the branches. I don’t know how I’m going to keep her. I don’t know what our future holds, but I do know I want her and I do know I don’t want to lose her. I send a silent prayer to God. Maybe this is the punishment for my sins. Give me something so good and then take it away. Make me feel the kind of pain all the casualties and their loved ones have felt over the years.

With the shit my family does to make money, I wouldn’t blame him. It disgusts me most days. But they are my family. I can’t say they’re good people, though, not like Aurora can. Because I’m not blind. I know what they are. They’re monsters, just like me.

My arm wraps around her tighter, holding her closer to me. “We should go.”

“I’m not ready.”

Yeah, me either.Something in the pit of my stomach tells me that the other shoe is about to drop and neither of us is going to survive the fall.

My mind is whirling with scenarios, trying to come up with a game plan, and I keep coming up empty. I just don’t see how it’s possible. Our families are never going to let us be together. Honestly, I’m surprised we’ve lasted this long without being caught.

“Have you told your parents you’re not planning on going to college?” I ask.

“No.” Aurora snorts. “That’s not an argument I’m looking forward to having.”

“Do you really think they’re going to force you? If you tell them you just aren’t interested in academics, they’ll understand, right?”