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“You mean you’ll erase him from this earth.”

He shakes his head. “No, I’ll return his body to the earth.”

“It’s fine. I’m not going to die from a broken heart,” I say. “I don’t think.”

“Your heart is broken? Now I’m really going to kill him.” My dad reaches over and squeezes my hand. “I love you.”

“I know. I love you too.”

When we get home, I don’t get to escape to my room like I intended. My dad makes me follow him into the theater room. Orders me to sit and wait for him. It takes five minutes. I’mready to go and hide somewhere when he walks back in with my mom, along with a tray of snacks.

“I’ve got all the good stuff: ice cream, chocolate, candy,” he says, sitting next to me.

“Why?” I ask.

“If you won’t let me kill him, then this is all I’ve got. We’re going to binge-watch some crappy rom-com and eat our weight in this shit,” my dad says.

Mom sits on the other side of me. “I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but it will get better. I promise.” She wraps her arms around me, and I let myself lean into her. I can’t stop it. The tears just fall.

“Fuck, just give me a name, Aurora. I won’t kill him. Just hurt him a little,” Papa says. Which only makes me cry harder.

“Shh, it’s okay to cry, baby. It’s okay to be sad and feel everything you’re feeling. We can stay here for as long as you like,” Mom tells me.

“I have to go to school,” I reply through my hiccups.

“Not today, you don’t,” Papa says. “We’re all staying put right here.”

“Thank you.” I hug my mom tighter.

They don’t even know what happened, and they’re ready to take a day off from their jobs to sit here with me while I drown in my heartbreak.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Farewell to our beloved son, Kenny O’Malley.

Istare down at the words on the paper in my hand. I’m glad I can’t see the faces of the congregation from where I’m seated in the front row. Although there is the sense of everyone’s eyes falling on me. Guilt eats at my chest. No oneknows what I did. They won’t ever know. But I do. And sometimes that’s all it takes to drive a man insane.

The sound of thunder booms from outside the church. It’s not surprising. God ain’t happy I’m in here. The last time I was inside this building, I wasn’t exactly… respectful either. I was with her. The girl I’m doing my fucking best not to think about today.

Kenny deserves my full attention, at the very least, considering I’m the reason he’s even in there. The dark mahogany casket is covered in white lilies and green carnations, symbolizing our Irish heritage. I had to help carry it in. I also have to help carry it out.

The sound of soft cries and sniffles drowns out the organ music. It always surprises me. Funerals, the sadness that comes with them. The realization that we’re all going to end up here one day, in a casket, with our loved ones crying over us.

The grief, it won’t last. I know that after today, most of the people filling this church won’t give Kenny a moment’s thought. That’s what happens. Once you’re gone, you’re gone. And in our world, we’re exposed to a lot of loss. I don’t usually have the addition of guilt mixed in with it, though.

The music stops, and Father McGowan stands at the altar, a look of sorrow twisting his features. “We are gathered here today to celebrate the life of Kenny O’Malley, a young man whose light touched so many in his seventeen short years.”

My attention turns to my family. Not a single one of them makes a sound. No tears, nothing. Just blank faces staring back at the priest. Cold. That’s the feeling I get from them. Makes me wonder if my parents would even care if it were me in that casket…

Father McGowan continues talking about Kenny, his love for football and life. The brightness and joy he brought withhim, skipping over the darkness that my cousin had to recently embrace—all the shit that comes with bearing our last name.

My mind goes blank throughout the service. I barely listen to people as they take turns to either read bible passages or talk about their memories of Kenny. His football coach stands up there describing my cousin as a leader on the field, always encouraging his teammates and playing with his whole heart. Every single attendee displaying a fondness that his own family fails to show.

After the final blessing, I stand, along with my father, uncle, and two of our most-trusted soldiers. Together, we each take a handle of the casket, ready to carry it out of the church. As I’m walking down the aisle, I don’t look into the pews until we reach the end. Where I spot the last fucking person I expected to see. Aurora fucking Valentino stares back at me. Her eyes glassy with tears.

Rage fills me. She doesn’t get to do that. She doesn’t get to come here and look like that. Look like she’s grieving. I force my feet to continue down the path and out of the church. Because if I stop right now, if I let on to who she is and why she’s fucking here, we’re both as good as dead.

Once everyone is gone, I make my way back into the church. I don’t know how I know, but I find myself walking up the back staircase that leads to the bell. When I reach the top, I see her standing at the edge of the open window.