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I let out a sigh of relief. It felt like we’d won so far.
But I knew there was a lot Mia and I still had to discuss once we were done with the night.
27
MIA
I operated well with a mission.With a plan. A purpose.
But now that the evening was over and Ford and I were alone in the car, the privacy window rolled up, separating us from Zeke, I had no idea what to do. Especially with the way our conversation ended earlier with Trent’s interruption.
We looked at each other for a moment as the car drove away from the convention center, so much hanging between us.
Ford’s hands were linked in his lap. He looked down at them, saying, “Thank you for that.” He met my gaze. What little light was in the back of the limo caught in his eyes, washing out the blue to make them look gray. “You were incredible, Mia, truly.”
My smile lasted half a second before faltering. “I’m glad it helped.” An ache weighed heavy on my chest, because I knew I’d crushed it in there. I could see Felicity softening, Trent getting frustrated when he couldn’t pick apart my relationship with Ford. My fake boyfriend’s relief at our charade coming across as sincere.
And throughout the conversation, he’d held my hand under the table. His touch was a blessing and a curse, supportive but making me wonder if he resented the connection at the same time.
I sat back in my seat, rubbing my temples. Faking a relationship with Ford was so much more complicated, more difficult, than I thought it would be. I was nearly forty, and I thought I’d worked through so many of my insecurities, but being with Ford brought them back, despite the kind words he sent my way.
“About earlier...” he began.
I closed my eyes, not ready for what was to come next. Thinking the worst was easier than having my worries confirmed.
“Look at me,” he said gently.
I blinked my eyes open to see him coming across the limo, sitting next to me. Then he reached up, cupping my face to hold my gaze in place. The touch made my heart ache more because I wanted so badly for it to be real.
How had I gone from hopeful he was asking me out to wishing I’d never agreed to this farce in the first place? My eyes stung as I looked at him.
“Mia, my job is about control,” he said, stroking his thumb over my cheek. “My control over my body and mind is what helps me succeed at this level.”
Where was he going with this?
“But when I kissed you...” He trailed off.
“What?” I breathed.
He drew his hand from my face to my shoulder, twisted a strand of my hair around his fingertips. When he met my gaze again, he looked tortured. “When I kissed you, I lost control.”
The air around us held a charge, and my breathing shallowed.
His voice was hoarse. “I can’t lose control, Mia.”
“Not even once?” My voice came out a whisper.
I could see his eyes on my lips, and all I wanted was a do-over. A chance to kiss him without holding back, without anaudience, without worrying that he was doing it out of obligation or any reason other than he wanted to kiss me back.
“If I start with you, I won’t be able to stop,” he said. “And my contract with the Diamonds, my home, my charity is on the line. It wouldn’t be fair to give such a small sliver of myself to you, knowing you deserve the world.”
Something rebellious rose up inside me. “Isn’t that my choice?”
His brow creased slightly.
“I have a career, goals, as well. I wouldn’t want you to put the team second, because I’d never accept you asking me to set my career aside after all the work I’ve put in to build it.”
He wet his lips. “Mia...” he warned. “My self-control has had about all it can take.”