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She handed the remote back to Maya, and Maya changed it to the next slide of their presentation.
THE SOLUTION? It said in big bold text.
“There is a solution to this,” Maya said. “And in fact, we have great options for you.”
Option one: Ms. Peterson
A photo of a nerdy teacher in glasses that had a pearl chain to keep them on came on the screen. It looked like it had been pulled from the yearbook somehow.
Maya had everyone’s attention as she said, “The first option is my math teacher, Ms. Peterson. She’s twenty-five, so a little young for you, but my dad says you don’t mind.”
All the adults snickered.
“She graduated summa cum laude from Baylor University, has three cats, and no boyfriend. A match made in heaven.”
“Next,” I said.
Maya shrugged and passed the remote to Emily. Emily brushed back her long brown hair and clicked to the next slide.
Option two: Della
Liv’s best friend with dozens of freckles and red curly hair came on the screen. And Liv quickly said, “NEXT!”
“But—” Emily began.
“Not my best friend,” Liv said. “Next.”
I put my hand over my chest. “Now I’m a little offended.”
She rolled her eyes at me.
I shook my head.
Then the next slide came up.
Option three: Ms. Brenda
“Brenda’s a little old,” Emily said while Fletcher laughed into his hands. “But she works for Maya’s dad, so you already know her. And she seems really nice and always has candy for us, so I know she’d be a good aunt.”
My face was getting redder by the second. “Please tell me that’s the last option.”
Emily passed the remote back to Maya. She clicked to the next slide.
NEXT STEPS.
“Now, Uncle Hayes, we know you’re out of practice having girlfriends, which is why we’ve set up dates with each of these women for next week.”
“No,” I said, getting out of the chair and going to Maya. I clicked the power button on the TV. “Listen up, everyone,” I said. I stared at all my family members in the room and saw Larkin holding up her phone. “You’re recording this?”
She held back laugher, nodding.
“Okay, then point it here and listen loud and clear, everyone. I, Hayes Madigan, promise to never have a girlfriend, wife, or long-term situationship as long as I alone shall live. Got it?” I looked at Maya first.
“But—” she began.
“No buts,” I said.
She huffed out a sigh. “Fine.”