Page 121 of Guarded Love

I slam my phone face down on my bed and lunge for my laptop, nearly tripping over the pile of clothes I discarded earlier. My fingers fumble with the power button, then drum impatiently against my thighs while it boots up. The seconds feel like hours.

Discord loads and immediately I see the little notification bubble next to Lilly's name. Three unread messages, all timestamped within the last hour.

CozyCraft4Eva (Lilly):Willow are you seeing this?

CozyCraft4Eva (Lilly):They're in my DMs. Like actually in my fucking DMs saying the most vile things.

CozyCraft4Eva (Lilly):I can't breathe right now.

My heart shatters. I type back as fast as my shaking fingers will allow.

WillsNet56:I'm here. I just saw the stream. Are you okay?

The response is immediate.

CozyCraft4Eva (Lilly):No I'm not fucking okay. They're calling me a lying whore who's jealous of his success. Someone found my Instagram and they're commenting on photos from when I was 16.

CozyCraft4Eva (Lilly):How did this happen so fast? Him and his management team are assholes.

WillsNet56:I don't know. I wouldn’t be surprised if they leaked our names on their end to keep Leo’s name clean. We came forward when so many women won’t have for various reasons.

I guess I knew why many women don’t come forward in these types of situations, but it didn’t completely click for me about why until just now. I hate that it took me having to experience it before I realized the gravity of what just happened.

I stare at my cursor blinking after those words, and something cold settles in my chest. We did everything right. We went through proper channels. We documented everything. We trusted the system that was supposed to protect us, and instead it fed us directly to the wolves.

The betrayal cuts deeper than Leo's retaliation. Dorian and Talia who we assumed would maintain confidentiality, told him everything. Our names, our statements, probably every detail we shared on that call where we thought we were safe. That’s worse than not doing the investigation. What makes it worse is I’m sure he’s not the only one who okayed Leo being told. Whoever sat back silent or gave final approval is just as guilty.

CozyCraft4Eva (Lilly):This is so fucked up. What are we supposed to do now?

I don't have an answer. For the first time in my life, I'm completely out of moves. Every strategy I might have used feels useless against this machine Leo's built around himself.

WillsNet56:I don't know. I'm so sorry, Lilly. This is my fault. I convinced you to come forward with me.

CozyCraft4Eva (Lilly):Stop. This isn't your fault. This is exactly what they want. They want us to blame ourselves instead of them.

She's right but knowing that doesn't make the guilt any lighter. I convinced her we were doing the right thing. I told her the system would protect us. I was so fucking wrong.

My phone buzzes again and I assume it’s more notifications. More strangers dissecting my life, my choices, my worth as a human being. Instead I focus on the message Lilly just sent.

CozyCraft4Eva (Lilly):I think I need to step away from the internet for a while. This is too much.

WillsNet56:I understand. Take care of yourself. I'll figure something out.

But I won't figure anything out. As soon as I send that message, the weight of my own lie hits me hard. I close the laptop and sit in the silence of my destroyed room, surrounded by the evidence of my inability to function like a normal human being. Then again, what is normal anyway?

I walk over to my bed, and I see my phone screen lighting up with another notification. Then another. The harassment is accelerating, spreading like wildfire across platforms I didn't even know existed. Each time my phone vibrates it makes me flinch. I do my best to quickly deactivate my social media accounts for the time being and then flip over to my text messages.

There are seventeen unread messages from various people, but my eyes go straight to Blaise's name. Nothing from him, but I assume it's because he's asleep.

I stare at his messages with my thumb over the keyboard, I start typing.

Me: Can we talk?

I read it back and immediately delete it. Too needy. Too desperate. He'll ask questions I don't have answers to, he’ll want to fix things I can't let him fix.

I try again.

Me: Hey, rough night. Could use some company.