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Maybe all it wanted was to be set free.

CHAPTER 33

“Good morning, sunshine.”

I blink, waking up to the sun streaming in through the window of the hatch.

“Sun,” I croak, shielding my eyes. “My god.”

It’s been a week since we sailed away from Madrona Lodge, and there hadn’t been a single day of sunshine on the entire journey from the Brooks Peninsula all the way down to Tofino. To say the sun feels like heaven shining down on me right now is an understatement.

The trip down the west coast only took a few days, with Wes steering the boat day and night and taking shifts with Janet, who has some sailing experience, while the rest of us braved the rough seas. It was a crowded couple of days, with fourteen people on a fifty-foot yacht, everyone sleeping on every available surface, but eventually, we pulled into the surfer town of Tofino, the biggest community on the coast, and kissed the ground the moment we all stumbled onto shore.

After that, we had a day or two to get our heads on straight and enjoy being in civilization. The students frequented coffee shops, bars, bookstores, taco trucks, conversing with locals andtourists who had nothing to do with Madrona. Wes generously put everyone up at the local hotels. I opted to stay back on the boat with him, taking the time—and the quiet—to not only piece together the missing parts but to get to know each other in a whole new way.

I had to get to know myself better, too.

To reconcile who I was with who I am.

To think about death and dying.

Wes asked me one night, if I had remembered what dying was like.

I wish I did.

I was dead for months and yet I don’t remember any of it. It doesn’t make me more afraid or less afraid of it. I still believe in an afterlife—that’s deeply ingrained by my grandmother—I just don’t remember if I went there.

I think some things are meant to be forgotten.

At the very least, I think my death is what connected me to Farida. I was able to see her as a ghost and she was able to see me, because I had already passed to the other side and back. I think at first she tried to scare me, payback for what I had done, but then was trying to show me what I was, the truth of what I had become.

That’s what I tell myself, anyway.

After a few days had passed, it was time for all of us to decide together as a group what to do. The burning of the lodge still hadn’t made the news, and we hadn’t heard from anyone there. We don’t know what happened to Everly, only that she’s probably alive. Michael is for sure dead, having been shot by Wes. David is most likely dead as well, possibly shot, too. I try to feel an ounce of remorse over that, but I can’t seem to conjure it.

Wes, of course, is taking it hard, but in his own stoic way. Some nights, I’ll catch him staring out across the water with a look of dread on his face. I know he’s thinking about how theydied. I know he blames himself. But then I catch him looking at me, and I see the joy and relief return to his face, and I know he tells himself it was worth it.

Some of the group—Janet and Hernandez and a few other students, Natasha, Patrick, and Rav—wanted to bring Madrona to justice. The other students just wanted to forget about the whole thing and go back home. I couldn’t blame them. I’d do the same thing if I were in their shoes.

Wes and I, well, I’d definitely like to take Everly and Madrona to court. I’m not sure exactly how since there are some things that shouldn’t come to light. For example, none of us can ever tell the truth about what was done to me. The world is not ready for a person to be resurrected over and over again. If anyone learned the truth about me, I would be subjected to tests and scrutiny for the rest of my life.

Of course, we didn’t make anyone sign an NDA. If someone wants to blab one day, they can. No one will ever believe them.

But what we can do is bring Everly to trial over illegal and unethical experiments on the local wildlife. Those poor creatures are still out there in the woods. They are our proof. I am sure we could get the natives involved in this, too, since it occurred on their land; same goes for the provincial government.

The only issue is the NDAs. But if we get a good lawyer, we can prove them to be void.

Wes also paid for everyone’s flights back when we reached Tofino, making good with his Madrona salary. Everyone agreed to keep in touch, especially with regard to any legal action. It was especially hard to say goodbye to Lauren, Munawar, and Janet, but at least Lauren lives in the city of Victoria, which isn’t too far from here, and Munawar lives in Vancouver. I’ll be able to see both of them again soon.

As for Janet, though she flew back to Toronto, I think it’s for the best we don’t see each other much. She was my friend, butshe also represents Madrona. Right now, the only tie I want to that place is Wes, and that’s because we’re tied so deeply to each other that Madrona doesn’t even count. When I remember me and Wes together, I remember him, not the lodge.

As for my own memory, some things are still slow to return. The harder it is to come to terms with, the more likely the memory wants to stay away. I don’t want to know what a horrible person I was, though I suppose it serves me right to remember. If I don’t, how do I know history won’t repeat itself?

I do know, however, that my morals did come through at the last minute, even though they led to my eventual death.

Two things happened in succession. First, I realized what was happening to the natives. I had been under the impression that they were getting a percentage of the stock options from Madrona, as well as being paid flat out. I learned they were getting screwed over when I went onto their land to forage forexcandesco. The man I saw in the forest, Samson, was the one who confronted me with the truth, assuming I knew more than I did.

Then, I discovered the body of a student in the lab, a girl, Kim, whom I had known well. I knew she wasn’t suicidal; I knew she wasn’t on any drugs. But she was made to look like she’d overdosed. It was then that I realized what was happening, that Everly and Michael had murdered her and caused another suicide prior, a guy called Jack.