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Mars stands and brushes dirt from his pants while gently shooing Luna away from his ankles. “There it is. That’s what we wanted.”

A soft smirk tugs at Caspian’s mouth when he glances at me sideways. “Knew you still had a laugh left in you.”

I shake my head, but I’m still smiling. “You guys are idiots.”

Mars winks and reaches down to scratch Luna behind the ears. “Idiots who care.”

“The best kind. The kind of idiots that are all yours,” Caspian adds.

Luna barks once, as if in agreement, then flops down at my feet. She rolls onto her back in a blatant request for belly rubs.

I crouch down to oblige her, my fingers sinking into her soft fur. “All of you are impossible,” I murmur, but this time, my heart doesn’t feel so heavy.

29

JACE

The world feels quieter out here. That should feel good, but it feels wrong.

I hear paws padding along the asphalt behind me before I see her. Luna appears at my side, her intelligent eyes watching me with that unnerving perception dogs have.

“No,” I tell her, then point back toward camp. “Go back to Autumn.”

She sits, stubborn as her purple-haired owner, and tilts her head at me.

“I said go.” My voice comes out harsher than intended. “She needs you. Not me.”

Can’t anyone see? I don’t need anyone.

Luna lets out a soft whine, but she doesn’t move. I take a step toward her to make myself bigger and more threatening. “Go!”

Finally, she turns and trots back toward the others. She casts one last look over her shoulder at me before she disappears.

Good.

One less thing to worry about. One less life depending on me.

Away from camp, from Caspian’s teasing smirks, and Mars’s easy laughter.

Away from her. From Autumn, and the way she looks at me like she sees everything I’m trying to keep buried. Like she’s waiting for me to give her something I don’t know how to give.

I should stay at camp. Work out, stand watch, find another broken-down car to pretend to fix and then destroy in a fit of emotional turmoil. Do anything but this.

But I can’t. I need the space and the silence. Those are the only two things I can never let down.

I move through the outskirts of the ruins. My boots crunch through loose gravel and debris as I check the perimeter. At least, that’s what I tell myself. Scout. Keep them safe. Stay distant. That’s the only way.

Like distance ever saved anyone.

The memory crashes into me. Malcolm’s face through the flames. My foster father, the only person who’d ever given a damn about me, trapped in that storage shed while Eugene held me back.

Malcolm and I survived the dead rising together, found that colony, and thought we’d be safe. Turned out, Eugene didn’t tolerate divided loyalties.

All because I’d shared my rations with Malcolm instead of giving them to Eugene’s towering stockpile. Such a small thing. Such a stupid, small thing.

I can still hear Eugene’s voice afterward. “This is what happens when you put anyone before me. Remember that. I’ll do this to everyone you ever care about if you betray me again.”

The smell of smoke and Malcolm’s screams still haunt me after all this time. I can almost still feel how raw my throat was from shouting. That’s why I never bothered to help anyone other than myself after. I became the cold, emotionless soldier he wanted.