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I reach down and clasp his still warm fingers between mine and order the team, “Clean him up. Find me when she gets here.”
Spinning on my heel, I’m about to burst through the doors to write down my notes while they’re still clear in my mind when I hear Riyaz call my name. “Laura?”
My head whips around. It’s so rare for my actual name to be used in the ER, I’m in shock. “Yes?”
“I can notify his wife,” Riyaz says. At my silence, she goes on, “It’s your first day back.”
While I appreciate the offer, I need to cut away this last festering wound that’s slicing me to the bone. “If I can’t be there for the victims—whether the ones on this table or the ones in chairs—what right do I have to be back?”
With that, I slap through the doors, waiting for Mrs. Hendricks to arrive.
Fourteen hours later, I’m exhausted mentally and physically in a way I haven’t been since I was an intern, but maybe the wound that’s been gushing blood in my chest cavity is finally closing. I pause by the curtain where it all happened and check on the patient.
I whip out my phone and hesitate before I send a text to the person I know would most want to hear I went back to work today. Especially because I heard about a twenty-thousand-dollar donation to the victims’ fund in my honor.
I have to thank him. It’s only right.
Laura:
Thank you.
Seconds later, I receive a response.
Liam:
For what?
Laura:
I heard about the donation. You didn’t have to donate that much.
Liam:
Yes, I did.
Laura:
Why?
Liam:
Your ER saves people’s lives, Laura. You all sacrifice so much to do it every single day. The people who were hurt or died didn’t fall in vain.
I stare at his text for long moments, trying to reconcile the man who screamed at me in such fury with the one who texted me. Realizing Alice is likely correct—that Liam channeled his anger at me since I was the person he was most closely bonded to in that moment in time, a person who had betrayed him—do I still have the right to retain my fury?
She says I can if he refuses to accept his fault in this. “You recall the event from two wholly different perspectives, Laura. Just because Liam said hurtful things in the heat of the moment doesn’t mean you can’t forgive him. It also doesn’t mean you have to. Remember, you make the best choices for what your heart wants.”
The question is, what does my heart want?
I hold on, praying for a lifeline, when I type out something benign and wait for his response.
Laura:
It’s my first day back.
Liam:
Congratulations.