Page 30

At her words, Theo reached across and took hold of Daisy’s hands. ‘No, I don’t think that for a second. I have messed things up. I know that. But Daisy, that proposal is the most certain I have been of anything in my life. When I said I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, that wasn’t just some flippant remark. I’ve imagined it, so many times. You and I growing old together. Throwing the crusts of our morning toast off the boat to ducks and swans, while the grandchildren sit on our laps – if we decided to have them, of course. I don’t mind either way. I’ve seen it. You and I together, taking the boats on the canals up and down the country and travelling other places too. Taking flights to Asia, or Australia perhaps. I thought about how, when I get tired of running up and down the canals day in day out, we could convert another boat, and have it as a sit-in café that I can serve in. Or we could both sell up and do something else entirely.I’ve imagined you, grey-haired, glasses on the end of your nose as I bring you cups of tea and try not to disturb your painting, and taking ballroom dancing lessons together in some old, cold village hall.’

‘Ballroom dancing?’ Daisy said, raising her eyebrows.

Theo shook his head and let out a light chuckle, although it was laced with sadness.

‘What I’m trying to say is whenever I imagine my future, Daisy May, the one thing that is constant, is you. The children, the place, the careers don’t matter. You and me, that’s what matters. Whenever, wherever. It’s always you and I. That’s all that counts. So I am so sorry. Honestly, I will do anything you ask for me to prove how sorry I am. Please, please Daisy can you forgive me for being such an idiot?’

Theo took a breath in and in the silence, he stared at Daisy, waiting. Her throat suddenly felt inexplicably dry and by impulse, she reached for her glass, and yet she found it empty. Stretching out her arm, she went to pick up the bottle from the cooler, only to change her mind.

‘Well, when you speak like that, how can I not?’

42

They left the restaurant together, Theo’s arm looped around Daisy’s waist, her weight propped up on him. They had opted for another bottle after they finished the first, during which time Theo filled Daisy in on some of the things his mother had said. Things that made Daisy’s jaw tighten and fists clench, although she was grateful he told her.

Lines like,Why did we spend so much on a private education for you to marry a waitress?and,Surely you must struggle to have an intelligent conversation with someone who doesn’t even have a university degree.

It was about his mother and not Daisy, Theo said time and again, and Daisy could see that. It wouldn’t have mattered who Theo had brought through the door that morning; Daisy was certain Penelope would have found something wrong with them. She had never wanted to welcome Daisy into her home, but at the end of the day, it didn’t matter. All that mattered was what Daisy and Theo thought of one another. And what the mess of the last day was teaching her was that she loved him. She loved him with her whole heart. She loved him because of the mistakes he made, because of how he only ever really got things wrongbecause he was trying too hard to get everything right. Without doubt, Daisy knew that she loved Theo more than she had known it was possible to love someone. And she was pretty sure that Theo felt the same.

‘You two have a good night,’ the barman said, throwing Daisy a smile as they left.

‘Thank you,’ she said, holding his gaze long enough for him to understand the gratitude wasn’t solely about his farewell.

Despite the summer heat, there was a crisp chill blowing off the lake as they walked back to the campsite. Although Daisy barely felt it, what with the wine warming her from the inside and Theo’s arm keeping the rest of her protected from the breeze.

‘I was thinking,’ Theo said as they stood for a moment and watched the moonlight reflect off the gentle ripples. ‘There are some lovely jewellers in town. Maybe tomorrow we could go and take a look. You could pick out a ring that you like. That’s yours andonlyyours.’

Daisy glanced down at her hand. She had yet to take the ring off her finger, but that was mostly because she had been worried that it would fall off in the grass and she wouldn’t be able to find it. Whether or not she wanted it to be the ring that she wore forever as a sign of her love for Theo, she wasn’t sure. Maybe something they picked out together, to remind her of how strong they could be when days got rough, would be a much better fit.

‘That would be nice,’ she said, then reached up onto her tiptoes and kissed him. ‘But now, we should get into that tent of ours. It seemed pretty small, though. I’m not sure how we’re both going to fit inside it.’

‘Trust me.’ Theo grinned at her. ‘We’ll find a way.’

43

For most people, waking up camping was probably the height of peace. Filling your lungs with crisp, clean air while listening to the bird calls and the lapping water on the lake were likely idyllic. But for Daisy, it was what she woke up to everyday. Of course, there were some subtle differences, like the damp, solid earth she was sitting on, the hills in front of her, shrouded in a thin veil of mist, and the children having an early-morning football game right outside their tent. Yes, that was a noise she wasn’t used to waking up to.

‘I bought some pastries,’ Theo said, when he returned from having a quick shower, ‘but maybe we’d be better off driving to Kendall and getting brunch there? We can save the pastries for the drive back tomorrow. I’m sure they’ll keep just fine.’

‘Breakfast in a café sounds great,’ Daisy said as she stretched out the cricks in her neck.

She and Theo had talked for hours when they returned to the tent. He had told her why he was so keen to have children – he and his sister had been incredibly close growing up, even if they weren’t now. As a child, it meant he’d always had a friend to do things with and his sister knew, even now, that if she neededhim, he would be there. Daisy explained why she wasn’t sure – she enjoyed her freedom, her business, and she wasn’t entirely certain she was patient enough to be a mother. But she also reasoned that she felt too young to make that decision at the moment.

But then there was the other issue. One she’d never mentioned to Theo, though it hung around at the back of her mind, lingering in the shadows every time she thought about having children.

‘Mum struggled after I was born,’ Daisy said, recalling what her mother had told her about the year after Daisy’s birth. ‘She struggled so much that she left me. She moved to a different country without me, because she couldn’t cope. And even though I don’t remember it – I mean, I didn’t even know it had happened until a couple of years ago – I still worry. I’m scared that will happen to me too.’

It was odd how hard she found admitting the truth to herself as much as to Theo. And it wasn’t like the worry went away, just because she had said the words aloud.

‘It might,’ Theo said honestly. ‘But it might not. And even if it does, it wouldn’t be the same. There’s more support out there for mothers who are struggling now. Not to mention that it’s something we would both be watching out for. We would make sure we’re prepared so that it never got to the way it was with your mum. But that’s only if you decide you want to have children, of course. I’m not trying to pressure you at all. I’m just trying to make you see that your mum’s past doesn’t have to affect your decision.’

It was a grown-up discussion. A weighing of pros, cons, and emotions for the both of them. It was the type of conversation they should probably have had before Theo had proposed, but the fact they had come back from the brink, to have that typeof conversation at all, proved, in Daisy’s mind, why they could absolutely make the marriage work.

It took less than half an hour to pack everything up into the car, and for a moment, Daisy wondered if Theo was going to mention saying goodbye to Heather. She would have been okay if he wanted to, she decided, but was a little grateful that he didn’t even mention his ex’s name.

‘Have you thought about what you want?’ Theo said instead, as they drove towards Kendall.

‘For breakfast, you mean?’ Daisy asked.