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Dezmond deserved his compassion back then.

He doesn't now, but I keep that to myself.

“Jordan,” I whisper on his neck. I taste salty tears that have pooled in his clavicle. “I didn't know. I really didn't know. I get why you're so protective of him, now.”

“It doesn't make it okay,” he replies hoarsely. “I've battled with how I hate this. All of it. My promise to keep him happy and guide him into a bright future … how can I do that when I spend so many hours aching to make the person he's marrying become mine instead?”

“I don't want to marry him, Jordan.”

“But you won't tell me why you're going to anyway.”

Going limp in his embrace, I lie my cheek over his heart, listening to the frantic, powerful rhythm that is uniquely him. “I'm trapped. That's the reason.”

Jordan captures my jaw, bringing me eye to eye as we sit in the sand. “How?” he snarls. He looks like a tortured animal. “What is he doing to force you into marriage, Lorikeet?”

It's hard to make myself breathe when he's staring at me like this. “Jordan …”

“Tell me. Now. No more secrets.”

“I can't. Please.”

“That's the firstpleaseyou've uttered that I fucking hate,” he says grimly.

“It's too much of a risk. You have to believe me.”

“Why don't you believeme?I'll protect you. I won't let anyone, not even Dezmond, hurt you.”

I try to shake my head; his grip stops me. “It has to do with … my dad.”

“Your dad?” he repeats, eyes tightening suspiciously. My pulse ratchets higher, I'm terrified I'll crumble under his demands. My walls are down from the tragic story he told me minutes ago. “No one has seen him in a long time. Does Dezmond know where he is? Is that what's going on, he knows and won't tell you the truth unless you marry him?”

I can't explain the combination of pathetic joy and misery that creeps through my veins. “Yes,” I whisper because it's almost not a lie. Enough to get me out of this without losing the fragile magic I'm building with Jordan. I'm selfish … I'm scared … and I don't want this to end.

If he learns what a monster I am, he'll see I don't deserve him.

He's a saint.

I'm a sinner.

There's no future once that comes into the light.

Jordan doesn't loosen his hold. He draws me in to kiss me vigorously. “I'll find a way to get you out of this,” he assures me. His lips steal my words, silencing me with more of his. “Lorikeet, I swear, I won't let Dezmond threaten you.” Another kiss. “I'll talk to him.”

“No!” Wriggling from his arms, I jump to my feet, backing towards the water. “Jordan, you can't tell him about this!”

“Did you forget how much power I have over him?”

“He resents you for that,” I say, throwing up my hands. “He hates you!”

Jordan's eyebrows lift, then lower slowly. He gazes up at me from where he sits, mulling over what I said. It reminds me of when I pointed out that Dezmond had a reputation around Crestwind. Jordan loves him because he loves his deceased sister. But that love, misplaced as it is, is strong as any bond. “He doesn't hate me. He just says that, like you have.”

“I never really hated you,” I say, deflating. He grins crookedly, getting to his feet to approach me. “Jordan, I'll always choose you over Dezmond. But you have to give me time. Once I get what I want from him, I'll end this sham relationship. If you get involved, it'll make things more complicated.”

“Then what do you want me to do?”

“Keep pretending. I bought us time today by asking for a real wedding. A few more days and I think I can be free of his blackmail.” I don't have a plan, just hope.

Reaching down, he links his hand with mine. Lifting it to his lips he kisses my fingers, eyes closed, forehead furrowed like he's hurting. “I have conditions.”