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Jordan's fury morphs slowly into a half-smile; he offers a hand to Cadence, she takes it and shakes. “You can call me Jordan. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meetyou,”she chuckles. “Okay, guess we should go in this room and sign some things. If Lori is ready, I mean.”

Dez makes a low sound. A mix of snarl and pissed off groan. “She's ready,” he says.

“Let her answer for herself.” It's not Cadence who speaks up, it's Jordan. My friend stares at him with new interest, nodding her head multiple times. I'm staring too. Trying to figure out why, when he says it, it hits harder.

I'm not a weak person who bows easily. I'm not known for keeping my mouth shut when something needs to be said. But advocating for myself when I think there's no point? Why bother? Who cares?

He does,I think, marveling at Jordan.He doesn't want me to do this.I've known it since he threw the ring into the ocean. The memory of his determined face, water sliding down his cheekbones, the sun burning behind his ear, gives me a rush of strength. I say, “I'm not ready."

Jordan smiles.

Dezmond sputters, looming over me, pushing Cadence aside. She trips backwards, regains her footing and glares at him. “Hey!” she yells.

Dez ignores her, I'm his sole target. “What the fuck are you saying?” he asks, closing in. “I told you we were doing this today, Lori. You didn't argue about it until now.”

“Yes, I did,” I say defensively. “You just didn't want to hear it.”

“It doesn't matter! We're here, let's get it over with.”

“That's not how you talk to her!” Cadence snaps.

He glares in her direction. She doesn't react, and in that moment, I realize how unafraid of him she is. Jordan, too—he doesn't fear his son. It's only me who does, and it didn't start this way.

Dez and Cadence are talking over each other. Both are pissed off, and it's a wonder my voice carries above theirs. “I want a real wedding.”

Everyone shuts up. Cadence slaps a palm over her mouth. “What?” she asks.

“You're not serious,” Dez says incredulously.

Running won't save me. But delaying things can.Gathering all my courage, I make myself smile sweet as candy at Dezmond. “I've been thinking about it for a few days. I didn't want to admit it, but yeah. I'm my mom's only kid, she'll be heart-broken if she doesn't see me walk down the aisle.”

Dezmond opens his mouth. His father cuts him off clean with a chuckle. “It should have been obvious,” Jordan says, smirking wryly at me. “You were stressed out at the engagement party. I didn't know why. You were too afraid to tell Dezmond you wanted a big wedding this entire time?”

“Yeah,” I say, not breaking his stare. “That was all it was.”

Dezmond shakes his head rapidly. “This is fucking stupid. We don't have time for a wedding.”

“Why?” Cadence asks.

“Because—because all the planning and—”

“Is it the cost?” she presses him.

He's red as a beet. Dez shifts his eyes back to me. He can't tell his dad or my friend why he's desperate to cinch things today without giving up the game. He can't reveal that he's blackmailing me anymore than I can.

That realization floods me with power. I fluff up, head high, voice crisp. “I want a ceremony. I want a reception. I want cake and flowers and a beautiful dress.” I slip on my most innocent pout. “Don't you want me to have those things, Dez? You do love me, right? Otherwise, we wouldn't be doing … this.” I wave at the courthouse, at the papers he's crushing in his hands.

Putting pressure on him to pretend he loves me won't let me slip from his talons, but it can stall things, and that's enough right now.

He exhales in defeat. “Yeah, babe. I love you. 'Course you can have all that.”

I smile through a wave of sickness.

“But,” he goes on, “it's expensive as hell, like your friend said. I don't know how we can manage, maybe the courthouse is still—”

“I'll pay for it,” Jordan says. There's heat in his wide pupils when they land on me. My heart thuds in my ribs like a trapped bird. “It's the least I can do to show how much I care.”