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“It’s only making me that much more determined to win in the future. Valentine only won by a small margin. I plan to make sure that doesn’t happen next time.”
“And what if you’re too distracted to put that level of effort in?” Her face is close to mine now, and I can hardly breathe.
“Distracted by what?” I murmur.
“I think you know.” Her lips are scarcely an inch from mine, and I can’t take it anymore. I close that inch and take her lips with mine. Gently and slowly, prodding and testing to see if it’s really what she wants.
But then she puts a hand to the back of my neck and pulls me in closer. That’s when I throw caution to the wind. I delve my hands into her hair and pull her closer to me too. This is more than just a playful kiss between friends. My heart is expanding in my chest, and I feel it binding and entwining with hers. All the years of being around Jenni, staying away from her but also admiring her, have combined to create this perfect moment. It was there all along, but I was never able to acknowledge it.
Her lips are sweet like honey, and they’re soft and pliable beneath mine. She knows what she’s doing too. Who knew Jenni could kiss so well? She’s full of surprises today, and this is the good kind.
She’s been faithfully by my side today, a strong emotional support on the most shocking day of my life. And it was more than an act. Jenni went above and beyond what she would need to do to sell the relationship thing. She was being a true friend to me. And that’s the kind of person I want by my side. Someone on my team. Jenni and I would be a force together. Why hadn’t I ever seen this beautiful truth before?
But then, Ronnie’s angry face appears in my mind. Oh yeah. That’s why. Because my best friend would kill me if he knew I was kissing his sister like this, without anyone around to convince. If he ever finds out about this moment, I’d have to face the worst of his wrath. And to make matters worse, Amanda is moving to Blue Mountain, which will be a constant reminder that I betrayed him by marrying the girl he’d fallen for.
I pull away. “I’m sorry, Jenni. We shouldn’t have done that.”
She opens her eyes and looks back at me. “Why not?”
“You know why not. Because of Ronnie.”
She juts her chin out. “You think I care what he thinks?” She crosses her arms. “I can kiss who I want. I don’t need his permission.”
“But I have to answer to him. He’s my best friend, and I don’t want to lose that friendship.” I stand up.
“I should probably go,” Jenni says.
“Right. Uh…” I rub the back of my neck. “Thanks for stopping by.”
Jenni stands too. “Anytime. Please call me if you’re having a hard time.”
My heart aches to see her leave. I’ve probably hurt her by ending our kiss so abruptly, but it can’t be helped.
The problem is, now that I’ve kissed Jenni, I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to think of her the same. And we still have to pretend to be in love in front of all our family members.
How am I supposed to keep my distance emotionally while keeping her close physically for the public eye?
11
JENNI
Langston is right. Our kiss was a mistake. The fake romance is turning real, and I’m not prepared for that. I didn’t think it would happen. Langston and me? Nah.
But that kiss was on fire. The tension between Langston and me has been heating up, and I’d gotten to the point that I wanted the kiss. A little too much. Falling for Langston was never part of the plan. This was supposed to be a fake romance, not a real one. Because now there are feelings involved, and that makes this complicated.
Langston is the kind of guy I could see myself with long term. I could see us getting serious and quickly. We already have both our parents rooting for us. Everyone already thinks we’re an item. So why not just let it be real?
Because Langston deserves a woman who can have the babies his mom wants from him. That woman could never be me. Sure, he has Hayden now, but he’s going to want to hold his future children in his arms as newborns. That was taken from him. If anything permanent ever happened between us, I couldn’t give that to him.
Today is Langston’s first day alone with Hayden, and it’s all I can think about while I’m at work. Well, technically, I’m at home in my office, but as soon as I cross into that room, it counts as being at work. Otherwise, I’m distracted all day with a million little things. I still struggle with being distracted, but I’ve learned to put my phone down during working hours unless I’m using it for actual company phone calls. That strategy has helped me find a lot of success.
Around four, I get a call I can’t take, and when I check my voicemail, it’s from the foster care people. They want to set up a time to meet with me. My heart lifts. I could really make a difference in some kids’ lives. I want that more than anything. I want to help more than just babies; older kids have a harder time getting adopted.
I might not be able to have my own kids, but I have so much to give—all this love and no one to shower it on, not any kids anyway. But there is Hayden. I think the two of us are going to be buddies. Now that’s a child I could grow to love. I’ve known him one day, and I think he’s already stolen a little corner of my heart. That little stinker.
I wonder how he’s getting along with his dad on their first visitation day…
After work, I change into jeans and boots and head to my parents’ house. I call on my way over to request that Marshmallow get saddled up. Riding Marshmallow over to Langston’s property will allow me to scope out how those two are doing. I wouldn’t mind bonding with the little guy some more. Sure, I could drive, but I’m in the mood for a ride after the emotional day I’ve had trying to bottle up my feelings for Langston. And trying to ignore the instant replay of that kiss that keeps popping up in my thoughts.