Page 66
circumstances, accidents, fate, whatever you reach for
to save you will not change one moment of a poor
performance. Audiences are unforgiving and the
critics couldn't care one iota about our personal issues.
Once we're on stage, our lives, our real lives, are
forgotten. We can't use them to help us or protect us
or excuse us. The curtain rises, and when it does, we
must be ready to give the public what it has paid for and what it has a right to expect. After the curtain
falls, it is over, ended, a fait accompli.
"I told you, all of you, every moment you're in
this house, studying with these fine teachers, you are
on stage. Is there any part of this you still don't
understand? Well?" she asked, pounding her cane. "No, Madame Senetsky." I looked down at the
table. I'm disappointed. If I had to choose one of you
who would fail me first. I would never have chosen
you. I thought I had made the reason clear to you the
other day," she added. referring, I'm sure, to her
telling me about her daughter.
I looked up at her, my eves so glazed with tears.
I felt as if I was looking at her through a veil. I started to say I was sorry again, but quickly
choked back the words.
"I do not permit many mistakes. Honey. Be
warned," she concluded, smacking her cane to the
floor again and standing. I stood quickly, too, my eyes
down again.
"You're excused," she said. and I hurried out of
the dining room.
I felt the tears break over the dam of my lids as
I pounded up the stairway. How disappointed
Mommy and Daddy would be if I were sent home in disgrace. How would I ever face Uncle Peter's
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