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28

Sable

Julian’s eyes keep flickingto the rearview mirror like they always do. He’s always watching. Always alert. Protecting us. I rest a hand on his thigh, because I want to touch him, and because I can’t touch him the way I want to right now.

I check the mirrors, too, just because. I wanna see the world through his eyes. I’m not one to care too much about my surroundings, but Julian is always on edge. I guess that’s what life is like when you’re surrounded by things that could end it.

The girls are quiet in the back, unusual for them, but the second we crest a hill, that changes.

“OH MY GOSH!”

“MOMMY, LOOK!?”

“IS THAT ACARNIVAL?!?!”

Their squeals burst like bubbles in the air. When I look back, Rae is practically crawling over Kelice to get close to the window.

I reach back, trying to settle them. “Okay, okay. Calm down. Rae, get back in your seat. And y’all need to quiet down.”

Julian taps my thigh. “It’s all good. Let them be excited.”

I look over at him, surprised to see a smile.

“That’s the reaction I was hoping for,” he says.

That hits me in my chest. He wanted to see them happy, which makes me happy.

I swallow the lump in my throat as we pull into a gravel lot, the tires crunching as the neon lights of the fair sparkle against the cotton-candy sky.

The second Julian opens their doors, the girls shoot off like bullets, racing toward the ticket booths. We follow behind, exchanging smiles. The smell hits me right in my memory; butter and cinnamon, powdered sugar and deep fried batter, popcorn, hot dogs. I’m in heaven right now thinking back to the days when me and Ebony ran around just like this whenever a carnival came to town. Six Flags was always there, but there’s something special about these traveling fairs.

“How’d you find this place?” I ask, sliding my hand into his without even thinking about it.

He looks down at our hands, then straight ahead. “There was a fair that came through my neighborhood in Brooklyn. It would set up about half a mile from the group home. I could see the lights every night from my window, but I never got to go.”

I squeeze his hand.

“I came to this one when I was working at Fort Gillem. Every time.”

“I’m trying to picture you on a ride…laughing and kicking your feet.”

“I wasn’t kicking no damn feet, Sable.”

I burst out laughing. “Too late, I see it in my head.”

He chuckles. “Whatever. Let’s go have some fun.”

Julian walks up to the dart throw like a man on a mission. He hands the attendant a few bills, takes the darts, and bam! The first one hits dead center.

Kelice claps.

The second one? Bullseye.

Both girls jump up and down, clapping like the stakes are high. Which, for them, I guess they are.

“Winner!” the attendant announces. “Pick your prize.”

Julian looks down at Rae and points at a row of colorful stuffed animals. “Which one do you want, sweetheart?”